Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Some Thinkings...

I decided I needed a new blog because, well, I just do....and I don't like that Danny fellow any longer. But I think I've got a new little crush. anyway, that is besides the point. I don't really know what to write about. Maybe I'll just blabber on about nonsense things....

I can't wait for school to be over. This semester has been so beasty. This summer is going to be so much fun! I really am excited for it. I decided I'm not going to take any classes, which is sad because I was planning on it and now my plan (which I have neatly creating in Excel. yes, i'm a nerd) will have to be altered and graduation will be delayed another semester, but I guess oh well. I am very much looking forward to the Fall though. I am going to be taking some pretty awesome classes - if I get into them, that is, which I'm pretty sure I will because, well, I've got the faith. I'm not taking any real Art History classes - like ones where we actually learn about the history of art - this semester, which has been quite the bummer. But the fall is going to be packed full of them and I can't wait! Plus I'm going to be taking Italian which I have wanted to learn for a very long time.

I miss boys. I haven't been on a date in who knows how long. Too long. I miss just hanging out with them. They are so funny. And, honestly, I really want a boyfriend. I know that most girls do, so I guess it's not too out there to say that I do. I just want to see if I can really be in a relationship and be myself and be happy. Especially considering how my last relationship went. I don't think I was really ever myself with Brett. Which is really sad. And what if that is how I am with every boy? I just give in to whatever they want and I don't allow myself to open up? That is not how I want it to happen. But I have learned a lot from that relationship and even with Daniel, even though we never dated. I don't think that I could let myself do that again. But still I wonder. Anyway, my point was that I want to know, to prove to myself I suppose, that I can actually be in a functioning relationship with a boy that I like and that likes me back. Perhaps I shall remain single forever.

So, this sounds so cliche, but I just love my family. so much. My mom is amazing, I don't think I could have a mom better suited for me. She knows exactly what to say to me to help me feel better and find answers to questions. She just knows. That's not to say that we don't get in fights, because we do. She is just the best mom for me and I love her dearly. I want her to be happy. And my dad, well, that relatioship has been slow in progress for a long time. But I still love him so much. He may not be the most considerate at times, and he may no longer believe the sames things I do, but he has taught me so many valuable lessons. And he makes sure I'm taken care of. He seems to be pretty stingy about giving me money for school, like a lot, but I know that if I really needed help, he would be there to help me, because he has done it many times in the past. And he worries about me. A while ago when I was out there he asked me how I was doing and such and then said, "so I don't need to be worrying about you as much as I do?". I was surprised because I never really thought that he thought about me. But he does worry about me and he does love me, even if it has only been in the last few years that he's actually said it.

Well, I have to leave for class in 15 minutes. Maybe I should do this more often, it was pretty nice to just write about life.