Sunday, August 30, 2009

I miss your face

I'm missing a lot of things right now....

I miss my glenwood roommates, especially Laura and Jessica. I wish we were roommates again. We had so much fun together. I miss watching them make dinner and then sitting around talking and talking and laughing.

I miss Larke. It always makes me so sad that we live so far away from each other. Life is just better when we can hang out. I wish she was here to make me brownies and watch a movie with me.

I miss my dear bestie. Maybe you've heard from her recently? because I sure haven't. Her name is Debbie and if you see her, tell her that her bestie is miserable without her and that she should probably finish moving into her new place so that we can be roommates again.

I miss living in nice places. This place I am forced to call home is a hole. I know I say that I can live anywhere, and I can, but, I guess it would be easier if I had a reason to smile about it. Like, a roommate and best friend to laugh with.

I miss food. I haven't eaten dinner yet. But I'm too scared/awkward to go into the kitchen when people are in there. Pathetic I know.

I miss Eagle Moutain. Mostly Eagle Mountain friends. I loved being able to, at any time, go and hang out with people. I feel so lonely here. I feel like if I want to go see someone here, I have to plan a time and make it a big deal. It can't just be a, "hey i'm lonely, can i come over?"

I know I'm being a downer right now. I'm just dreading school and having to do homework and be in provo and look for grad schools. I'm not ready for my crazy life to start again. I liked it just the way it was this summer. it was perfect.

Song-of-the-Week: Already Home by Ha-Ash (with Brandi Carlile). Sometimes you just have to stop looking. And realize that what you need is right in front of you.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


Here's a walk through of my day at Lagoon. I hope you enjoy every second of it. because i sure did:

8am: get up after like 2 hours of sleep. for reasons that will not be explained. feel really nauseous. eat half a piece of toast, throw the rest away.

9:15am: arrive at Derek and Greg's. late. Soon after: Derek, Greg, Maria, and Ali leave for a fun-filled day at Lagoon!

10ish: get breakfast at McDonald's. somehow eat most of it. nasty.

10:30am: get to Lagoon. race a mexican van to the entrance. lose. forced to ride Wicked for the first time. thought it would be super scary, but was actually super fun. rode Collosus. also fun. ready for more.

11:20ish: in line for round two of Wicked. neck and head start itching for no apparent reason. halfway through the line, start getting really dizzy. Can't walk straight. Things get fuzzy. have to sit down every few feet. Derek talks to me and his voice is muffled. i'm going deaf, great. get up, move a few feet, stumble to the ground. everything is spinning. pretty sure i'm going to pass out at any moment. or throw up. or both. decide going on Wicked is probably the worst idea right now. Somehow stumble out of the line while Greg tells the employee girl that i'm scared to fall out while on the ride (which is true). get about 6 feet away from the line with Maria in tow. collapse on the ground. positive throwing up is going to happen. locate the spot by some lockers that this will take place, since moving is not an option. Derek runs to get some water. realize the previous itchy feeling is hives and it's spreading fast. lay face on the ground. nausea subsides a bit. Maria tries talking to me, to get me to move to a better place (like where hundreds of people can't see me pathetically curled in a ball on the ground). can't talk. no energy. hold finger up. "one second". Derek returns with water. Lift head up and try to sip. proves difficult, but not impossible. nausea returns full-force. head back on ground. finally convinced to move to a better place. sit up. realize i'm covered in nasty groundness. somehow get to a table in the shade. collapse on the seat. drink drink drink. more hives. everywhere now it seems. lay head on the bench. want to go to the first aid place, but it's far away and i know i won't make it. Maria goes to get a first aid person. they return with a wheelchair.

12:30/1ish: get to the first aid place. get blood pressure taken, blood sugar taken (yeah, getting pricked with a needle didn't make me any more nauseous ha. "it feels like a paper cut". um, i HATE paper cuts). take benadryl = sleepiness. start shaking from possible cold-ness and nausea (i shake a lot when i'm nauseous, i don't know why). lay on the provided bed for about an hour or so. can finally think and talk like a normal person again. hives subside. Greg and Derek run to Target to get some anti-nausea stuff. take that too = more sleepiness.

2:30ish: feel a lot better, leave the first aid place. only now i can barely keep my eyes open i'm so incredibly tired. but i stick it out because, well, i can't possibly waste any more of my fun-filled day at lagoon. time is running out. Proceed to go on more rides, eat half a hot dog, fall asleep at the table, go on more rides.

go home, more fun is had.

end of the day: realize how lucky i am to have such amazing friends who would sacrifice their day at lagoon to take care of my sudden outbreak of unexplained misery. and for making it possible for me to somehow have an amazing and fun time despite all of it.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

sing me to sleep

I just want to lay in my bed all day and listen to music.

I almost forgot how much I love music. We mostly listened to Indian music whilst camping. And the occasional songs from "The Last Unicorn" (which is now stuck in my head, by the way).

I've been gone so much this summer. I haven't really had time to process everything going on. I need some time for processing. Just me in a room with music.

thinking, singing, sleeping, eating.

I won't get that chance, but I've been dreaming about it all day.

Song-of-the-Week: Lullaby by The Spill Canvas.

Friday, August 07, 2009


i just read a blog, in which was said "holla!" and I thought, ha, haven't heard that in a while. so, i have brought its presence to my blog. I hope you appreciate its amazingness as a word.

In other news, I'm back in Utah. Colorado was amazing. I'll try to post some pictures later. I had so much fun. I bought two new pairs of jeans, a cute new shirt, and a cute hat that I'm real excited to wear around. Plus, my new swimsuit came while I was gone so my mom had it in the car when she picked me up. It's pretty amazing I must say. And of course I got to spend a whole bunch of time with Larke, which was the best part! I miss her lots.

I've been in kind of a weird mood since I've been back. I don't know why. I'm trying to snap out of it.

Song-of-the-Week: Stay by Safety Suit. I just really like this song.