the big Zero Nine

So, I am usually one to make New Year's Resolutions, but they're never really serious ones. Just the usual lose weight, be happy, read my scriptures more. And this year I haven't even "made" any. I've thought about some stuff that I want to happen this year...so I guess that is what I'll write about.

I want to find happiness this year (not that I haven't been happy in the past, because I definitely have. But, more like, I'm fine with whatever happens in my life because I can be happy no matter what or who is in my life). And I think, or rather, I know, that the only real way to do that is through Heavenly Father. I read somewhere that if you ever want to really be able to love someone else, you have to be able to love God. To open up to him. To really get to know him. Make him your friend, your ally, your constant companion in everything - everything - you do. So I was trying to think of ways to really make that happen. I think it just comes down to improving things a little at a time.

As many of you have so nicely pointed out, I have somehow lost weight these past few months. And even though it wasn't intentional, I definitely approve of it and I like it a lot. So, I want to maintain this "healthiness" or whatever it is you want to call it. I like feeling good about myself. It's fantastic. I think something just clicked in my head. And walking to campus doesn't hurt either. I used to hate walking to campus. I dreaded it. But now I actually kind of like it. It is necessary to get to school and it's good exercise. And it's hard for me to actually make time for exercise, so this is like a built it system because I can't avoid it. So really, it's a win win situation.

I want to read more books and research more about things I've always wanted to learn about. Most of these things have to do with Art History. And for some reason I think I'll just learn everything in my classes. But this is just not the case. And I have all the resources handy to learn pretty much anything I want about a subject. So I want to take more advantage of that.

I want to stop worrying so much about other people and more about myself. Not that I want to be selfish, but with this whole decision-making problem. I know that the reason I don't like it is because it effects other people. What if they don't like my decision? What if they even reject what I want? I don't like feeling like other people don't like what I want...even though it is totally natural. I just don't like it. And so it's easier just to let other people decide. Because I'm usually pretty good at just going along with what other people want. But some changing needs to happen.

Like with boys. I always will do what they want. And it's not that I don't like it. Because usually just being with them is what I like, so I don't care what we do. And it's not like I'm sad that we're not doing what I want to do, because of the same reason. Or like, if I'm doing homework, but a boy calls and invites me to his apartment, I'm going to go, no matter if that means I have to stay up really late to finish my homework. There's no question. If he has time, then I have time. But I know that this isn't a good thing. My schedule matters just as much as the next person. And I need to stand up for my life and what I'm doing. If they are willing to wait for when I have time sometimes, then they are worth it.

This year started out amazing and then it seemed like it was suddenly all taken away, all in the first days of this dear new year. However, it also opened my eyes to the amazingness that is my life. I have a great job. I am studying a subject that I love, and am getting closer to graduation. I am surrounded by an incredible family who loves me to death. And my friends. Oh my goodness my friends. I will forever be indebted to them.

I think the thing that always loses me is that a year seems like such a long time. Committing to so many unknowns seems like craziness. So I just have to focus on one day at a time. For realsies.

New Year Song-o-the-Week: Let it Rock by Kevin Rudolf & Lil Wayne. Because, well, I think this year is going to rock.