Our Wedding: getting ready

While the days leading up to the wedding were pure madness, the wedding morning was pretty serene. Once I got to the house, the girls came into the huge master bathroom and we all got ready. Our photographer, Jessica, from Flourish Photography, was there to capture every moment. I have to say, I loved her. She was so sweet and took so many incredible pictures. Of all the many choices to be made in the wedding process, having her do our wedding was one of the best. (don't you love when the little - or big - things go right for your wedding?)

My amazing sister-in-law Brooke did my hair, and it turned out exactly as I'd pictured it (another thing that went perfectly!).

The one of many tender moments that morning was when I took a moment to look out the window before I put my dress on. Everyone was busy getting ready so I had a quiet moment to myself. People outside were arriving and getting seated. And then I saw Jantz. He was talking to the bishop. Seeing him all dressed up, knowing he was soon going to be my husband, made me totally tear up with happiness (and without knowing it, Jessica somehow captured that moment - even though my back is turned, and probably no one else would know what was happening, it will always be a wonderful reminder of my feelings that morning.

I did my own makeup, and my mom helped me into my dress.

 such a trooper

As soon as I was ready, everyone was whisked downstairs to start walking. My dad came up to get me and we waited until Jantz had started walking. Then we hurried downstairs and got to the door just in time. . .

Our Wedding: pre-wedding

We've just crossed the 5 month mark, and I can't believe I still haven't posted any wedding pictures or given any recap. This past 5 months have gone by so fast. We got married, went on a mini honeymoon, moved into our apartment, suffered for 2+ weeks with a flooded/being fixed apartment, started school, had some great work changes, and in general have been having loads of fun.

So, to start off, here is my brief (or maybe not so much) recap of the few days before our wedding:

The Monday before our Thursday wedding, I drove out to Colorado. Jantz had to work until Wednesday, so he couldn't fly in until Wednesday night, which was a total bummer. He was still working the 2 to 10 shift, so we really didn't get to talk much that week. That was really hard. I felt so disconnected from him and so wrapped up in wedding stuff. I just remember feeling kind of lost those days leading up to the wedding. I knew I wanted to get married, but I was so scared about all the unknowns - I mean, I'd never been married before, so as far as I was concerned, it was like completely different from "normal" life. good thing i was way wrong haha. Looking back, no one could have said or done anything that would have made sense to me. I think getting married and being married is just one of those things you have to live through in order to understand it. Like getting your first kiss or your first boyfriend or having kids. No one can ever reassure you or explain it to you; you just have to go through it and find out for yourself. 

Anyway, I was in Colorado and spent the next few days shopping and getting things ready for the wedding. Jantz's mom helped me literally every step of the way. Best mother-in-law I could ever ask for. And sister-in-laws, for that matter. Ok, and in-laws in general. I married into such a great and loving family.

Wednesday night Jantz (finally) flew in. One of his groomsman picked him up from the airport. I think we saw each other for a few minutes before all the boys went off for a bachelor party. When they got home, it was pretty late and I was getting ready to head over to my parent's hotel to spend the night there. All I wanted to do was talk to him and kiss him and get excited for our big day. But of course his friends were still over so we had a rushed goodbye. I just remember thinking, it's already time? Everything was so crazy that it didn't seem all "fairytale" like (hopefully I'm not the only one who thought that...haha). I don't think it had really sunk in that I was getting married until the morning. I drove to the hotel, talked to my stepmom for a bit, and then went to bed like it was any other night. And I slept great. haha. Then I woke up, took a shower like it was no big deal, and drove to the house.

To get married. 

the husband's birthday

The husband's birthday is coming up fast. But am I worried about finding presents for him? Oh no, they are already bought and tucked away in our closet. It's being proud of the little things that really matters isn't it? While I did pretty good for Christmas, I'm super excited for his birthday. What did I get him for Christmas you ask? Well, I don't really remember now haha. I know I got him a football, because he has like every other sport ball except a football (and ironically he got another one with our sibling Christmas exchange, so, double score). And then I got him a comb - it seems silly, but he hasn't been able to find his since before we got married, so he's been using my girly pink comb for months, and I figured maybe he would like a manly black comb instead (I think he misses the pink one though because I've noticed he still uses mine sometimes...). Oh yeah and then I got him the new Drake CD. He really wanted it over Thanksgiving, but I wouldn't let him get it for some reason. So obviously I had to get it for him. I think he loved that present the most, haha - he listens to it all the time.

Since our Christmas budget was so small, I kind of went crazy with his birthday. I think I got him some really top notch presents (...I've been saying top notch recently and it weirds me out every time - who says that??? and yet here i am writing it haha). Plus he's getting himself some dream headphones (half off, mind you), so no matter what I know he'll be so happy on his big day. We've got some fun plans in the works, and I really can't wait!

just when you think...

...that your thesis has made great progress, your advisor brings you back to reality.

This past week has been really rough, I'm not going to lie. After working on my thesis all last semester, I really thought that things were going well. Sure there were a lot of changes to make, but overall I felt pretty proud of myself. Until Thursday. I met with my advisor, who kindly told me that I had to rewrite everything. Yep, everything. And in only a few weeks if I had even a smidgen of a chance to graduate in April. Somehow I didn't have a complete meltdown in her office. I felt like what needed to be done was just impossible (and I think I still do). But, I wasn't going to just give up after all this time. So I sucked up all my anger/fear/sadness and began rewriting. And it has been really hard. and slow. I sent some progress to my advisor, again feeling proud of what I'd done. Total letdown - still not good enough. If you're thinking now is the time a meltdown happened, well you'd be right. I saved it all for Jantz Saturday night. And even though I'd been keeping it all in for days, and I wasn't acting normal, and even though it was well past 1:00 a.m., he talked me through it. He let me cry and complain, and then gave me some advice. And it was really helpful advice, not just the usual "you can do it" that everyone else offers. It was like he knew what I needed to hear beyond the fluffy stuff. And even though now that I've been working really hard and still feel like I'm going nowhere fast, I don't feel as hopeless, because I know it has to be done, and Jantz isn't going to let me give up (even if I want to - and trust me, I've begged).

The next few weeks (heck the next few months) are probably going to be the hardest I've experienced yet. But I can do it....right? Wish me lots of luck as I attempt the impossible task of completing my thesis :)

Christmas, Disneyland style