Fo Real

I realized this morning whilst making my glorious 45 minute drive to work (which I really do love) that I've been single for only 3 months. I don't know why, but it was quite the shocker haha. It seems like it's been SO much longer than that. In a good way. So much has happened, so many things have changed. I feel like a completely different person than I was 3 months ago. I've learned so much about myself, about what I want, about the person I hope to be, about what's important in my life, but also about others and the reasoning's behind their choices. Like, I understand so much more why things have happened in the way they did. Even now, it seems like everyday I get more and more okay with the different things in my life that are going on. It still isn't easy, but it's workable, and that's all I can hope for.

I think I've become stronger (emotionally and mentally, not physically ha). I think I've become more sure of myself, come into my own skin more, if you will. I'm more comfortable with myself. I've seen how some past decisions have made me maybe less happy than I want to be, and I know now what to look for in order to avoid making similar mistakes. Like relationships, since I brought up the subject haha. I've made some pretty bad choices when it comes to relationships (maybe "bad choices" isn't the right phrase. more like, I acted in ways that weren't true to myself). Not just with boyfriends, but with other boys that I've liked and gone on dates with, even if it never got more serious. My total outlook on the whole dating situation has changed. At least in my mind it has, in practice it has turned out to be a little more difficult. But I'm not as naive as I used to be. Nor am I as desperate. Of course I still want to be loved by someone, but I'm not willing to be the only one to sacrifice for it to happen. I'm not waiting around anymore - let him wait for me. No more one-sided relationships. It's got to be two-sided all the way. And I'm not doing the chasing anymore. I'm leaving the men's work to the men.

Song-of-the-Week: Closer to Love by Mat Kearney. I've loved this song from the first moment I heard it. I also love his new album, which I have yet to purchase, but definitely intend to. We all have our moments when the world comes crashing down around us. We find ourselves shocked and in disbelief. In our rooms crying for relief, for a miracle. And we all have in our minds the dream that through all of it, there will be someone there to offer a shoulder to cry on, to pick us back up, to pull us back to the surface, to bring us closer to hope, closer to love. Love, the raw emotion - the light in the dark - that always surfaces in the midst of tragedy.