I miss your face

I'm missing a lot of things right now....

I miss my glenwood roommates, especially Laura and Jessica. I wish we were roommates again. We had so much fun together. I miss watching them make dinner and then sitting around talking and talking and laughing.

I miss Larke. It always makes me so sad that we live so far away from each other. Life is just better when we can hang out. I wish she was here to make me brownies and watch a movie with me.

I miss my dear bestie. Maybe you've heard from her recently? because I sure haven't. Her name is Debbie and if you see her, tell her that her bestie is miserable without her and that she should probably finish moving into her new place so that we can be roommates again.

I miss living in nice places. This place I am forced to call home is a hole. I know I say that I can live anywhere, and I can, but, I guess it would be easier if I had a reason to smile about it. Like, a roommate and best friend to laugh with.

I miss food. I haven't eaten dinner yet. But I'm too scared/awkward to go into the kitchen when people are in there. Pathetic I know.

I miss Eagle Moutain. Mostly Eagle Mountain friends. I loved being able to, at any time, go and hang out with people. I feel so lonely here. I feel like if I want to go see someone here, I have to plan a time and make it a big deal. It can't just be a, "hey i'm lonely, can i come over?"

I know I'm being a downer right now. I'm just dreading school and having to do homework and be in provo and look for grad schools. I'm not ready for my crazy life to start again. I liked it just the way it was this summer. it was perfect.

Song-of-the-Week: Already Home by Ha-Ash (with Brandi Carlile). Sometimes you just have to stop looking. And realize that what you need is right in front of you.

Wicked

Here's a walk through of my day at Lagoon. I hope you enjoy every second of it. because i sure did:

8am: get up after like 2 hours of sleep. for reasons that will not be explained. feel really nauseous. eat half a piece of toast, throw the rest away.

9:15am: arrive at Derek and Greg's. late. Soon after: Derek, Greg, Maria, and Ali leave for a fun-filled day at Lagoon!

10ish: get breakfast at McDonald's. somehow eat most of it. nasty.

10:30am: get to Lagoon. race a mexican van to the entrance. lose. forced to ride Wicked for the first time. thought it would be super scary, but was actually super fun. rode Collosus. also fun. ready for more.

11:20ish: in line for round two of Wicked. neck and head start itching for no apparent reason. halfway through the line, start getting really dizzy. Can't walk straight. Things get fuzzy. have to sit down every few feet. Derek talks to me and his voice is muffled. i'm going deaf, great. get up, move a few feet, stumble to the ground. everything is spinning. pretty sure i'm going to pass out at any moment. or throw up. or both. decide going on Wicked is probably the worst idea right now. Somehow stumble out of the line while Greg tells the employee girl that i'm scared to fall out while on the ride (which is true). get about 6 feet away from the line with Maria in tow. collapse on the ground. positive throwing up is going to happen. locate the spot by some lockers that this will take place, since moving is not an option. Derek runs to get some water. realize the previous itchy feeling is hives and it's spreading fast. lay face on the ground. nausea subsides a bit. Maria tries talking to me, to get me to move to a better place (like where hundreds of people can't see me pathetically curled in a ball on the ground). can't talk. no energy. hold finger up. "one second". Derek returns with water. Lift head up and try to sip. proves difficult, but not impossible. nausea returns full-force. head back on ground. finally convinced to move to a better place. sit up. realize i'm covered in nasty groundness. somehow get to a table in the shade. collapse on the seat. drink drink drink. more hives. everywhere now it seems. lay head on the bench. want to go to the first aid place, but it's far away and i know i won't make it. Maria goes to get a first aid person. they return with a wheelchair.

12:30/1ish: get to the first aid place. get blood pressure taken, blood sugar taken (yeah, getting pricked with a needle didn't make me any more nauseous ha. "it feels like a paper cut". um, i HATE paper cuts). take benadryl = sleepiness. start shaking from possible cold-ness and nausea (i shake a lot when i'm nauseous, i don't know why). lay on the provided bed for about an hour or so. can finally think and talk like a normal person again. hives subside. Greg and Derek run to Target to get some anti-nausea stuff. take that too = more sleepiness.

2:30ish: feel a lot better, leave the first aid place. only now i can barely keep my eyes open i'm so incredibly tired. but i stick it out because, well, i can't possibly waste any more of my fun-filled day at lagoon. time is running out. Proceed to go on more rides, eat half a hot dog, fall asleep at the table, go on more rides.

go home, more fun is had.

end of the day: realize how lucky i am to have such amazing friends who would sacrifice their day at lagoon to take care of my sudden outbreak of unexplained misery. and for making it possible for me to somehow have an amazing and fun time despite all of it.

sing me to sleep

I just want to lay in my bed all day and listen to music.

I almost forgot how much I love music. We mostly listened to Indian music whilst camping. And the occasional songs from "The Last Unicorn" (which is now stuck in my head, by the way).

I've been gone so much this summer. I haven't really had time to process everything going on. I need some time for processing. Just me in a room with music.

thinking, singing, sleeping, eating.

I won't get that chance, but I've been dreaming about it all day.

Song-of-the-Week: Lullaby by The Spill Canvas.

Holla!

i just read a blog, in which was said "holla!" and I thought, ha, haven't heard that in a while. so, i have brought its presence to my blog. I hope you appreciate its amazingness as a word.

In other news, I'm back in Utah. Colorado was amazing. I'll try to post some pictures later. I had so much fun. I bought two new pairs of jeans, a cute new shirt, and a cute hat that I'm real excited to wear around. Plus, my new swimsuit came while I was gone so my mom had it in the car when she picked me up. It's pretty amazing I must say. And of course I got to spend a whole bunch of time with Larke, which was the best part! I miss her lots.

I've been in kind of a weird mood since I've been back. I don't know why. I'm trying to snap out of it.

Song-of-the-Week: Stay by Safety Suit. I just really like this song.

Off I Go

Today is the day I leave for the beautiful Colorado. I seriously can. not. wait!

I packed half of my things while on the phone with deb, and packed the rest late last night. I certainly hope I didn't forget anything. And that I packed enough shirts. I honestly don't remember what I threw into my suitcase.

I'm super tired today.

I think I've averaged at least one yawn every 5 minutes. But who can think about sleep at a time like this?! I get fly across the Rocky Mountains. When I land I'll sift my way through the huge airport, gather up my luggage, and wait for Larke and Jantz to pick me up and whisk me away to Johnny Carinos, where we will eat 'til we're stuffed. And thus will begin my week of fun.

On another fantastic note, my amazing mother ordered my dream swimsuit for me. I can't wait to have it. I may have to go swimming soon.

Song-O-the-Week: If I Were a Boy (Remix) by Beyonce feat. R Kelly. Brilliant. Does more need to be said? I think not.

I love swimming!

you don't believe me do you?

well, neither do i.

but I found this fabulous swimsuit and i want it so bad that i'm willing to change my entire outlook on the swimming front. just look how cute it is!



















what do you think? is it a keeper? should i purchase it?

Sleepy

today

i am tired


really tired



but not cranky tired. not yet




i am happy. life is good. and for that i'll take a little sleepiness.

song-of-the-week: i hate everything about you by three days grace. but today i don't hate you. today, i love everything about you.

Loverly

Do you ever have moments or days when you just feel so full of love you fear you might burst? I have them every once in a while. I feel like I don't have enough people in my life to properly distribute such amounts of love. I want to hug everyone and tell them I love them (it's times like these that I'm grateful for my shyness). I want to smile as big as my mouth will allow and laugh to the sky. because life feels just that good. It has those moments when I wish I had someone I could just run up to and hold for an indefinite amount of time. Just be in the moment and feel completely at peace and so very very happy. bask in the joy.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever find someone deserving of my love. That sounds selfish and conceited, I know. But, I think of all the people out there who could take advantage, who I would willingly give all I had for, only to be selfishly abandoned. left with nothing.

Is there really someone out there who will understand the importance of such a gesture? who will stay with me forever? who will deserve all the love i have to give, because he will in turn be giving such love to me?

I hope I have these moments the rest of my life. So when I have kids I can snatch them up and hug and tickle them until they laugh uncontrollably and I can hear the love and happiness that I feel. So when I have a husband I can surprise him at work with a piece of chocolate cake that we can share at his desk and laugh at all the silly things in our wonderful lives.

Smirk

the past couple days i've been noticing little things that make me smile. so i decided i would record some, and maybe i'll try to keep it up every once in a while.

Sometime last week: was walking on campus when a random guy walking by said, "hey! how are you today?!" it kind of shocked me, thus making my response quiet and awkward. but afterwards i couldn't help but smile.

Tuesday: stopped by my mom's house to find a plate full of BYU's mint brownies. if that doesn't put a smile on your face, i don't know what will. they are my fave. so of course i ate one....or two. and i enjoyed every second.

Thursday: saw a construction worker carrying a "road work ahead" sign. i had no idea those signs were so big. it was like the big/little world in mario64. the sign was huge and the guy was tiny. i laughed out loud.

Friday: saw a woman walking out of the women's bathroom carrying a plant watering can. i'm sure she was just filling it up, but even so. it was one with a really long spout. my first thought was, what the watering can? i smiled.

Al dog's song-of-the-week: This is for Keeps by The Spill Canvas. This song is so precious. I read that he wrote it after reading Twilight. Anyway, i like it even without that connection, maybe more actually. It's just so sweet to hear a guy telling a girl that being with her even for eternity isn't enough, he loves her that much.

I want a Stars Hollow

I've always wanted to live in a small town. Something about them just feels so homey. Whenever I watch Gilmore Girls I wish I lived in Stars Hollow.

I want a gazebo in the middle of town where all the events take place. Fourth of July breakfast, Easter Egg hunts, carnivals.








I especially want a place like Luke's, where everyone goes for some good food, the place to hang out.






Town meetings sound like quite the fun time in my book. A good place to make decisions and possibly get a good laugh.






And yes, I even want a town troubadour, not only because I love hearing the guitar, but well, who doesn't love a good troubadour?









When I "grow up" I fully intend to find a good ol' small town and settle in for some good times.

Fo Real

I realized this morning whilst making my glorious 45 minute drive to work (which I really do love) that I've been single for only 3 months. I don't know why, but it was quite the shocker haha. It seems like it's been SO much longer than that. In a good way. So much has happened, so many things have changed. I feel like a completely different person than I was 3 months ago. I've learned so much about myself, about what I want, about the person I hope to be, about what's important in my life, but also about others and the reasoning's behind their choices. Like, I understand so much more why things have happened in the way they did. Even now, it seems like everyday I get more and more okay with the different things in my life that are going on. It still isn't easy, but it's workable, and that's all I can hope for.

I think I've become stronger (emotionally and mentally, not physically ha). I think I've become more sure of myself, come into my own skin more, if you will. I'm more comfortable with myself. I've seen how some past decisions have made me maybe less happy than I want to be, and I know now what to look for in order to avoid making similar mistakes. Like relationships, since I brought up the subject haha. I've made some pretty bad choices when it comes to relationships (maybe "bad choices" isn't the right phrase. more like, I acted in ways that weren't true to myself). Not just with boyfriends, but with other boys that I've liked and gone on dates with, even if it never got more serious. My total outlook on the whole dating situation has changed. At least in my mind it has, in practice it has turned out to be a little more difficult. But I'm not as naive as I used to be. Nor am I as desperate. Of course I still want to be loved by someone, but I'm not willing to be the only one to sacrifice for it to happen. I'm not waiting around anymore - let him wait for me. No more one-sided relationships. It's got to be two-sided all the way. And I'm not doing the chasing anymore. I'm leaving the men's work to the men.

Song-of-the-Week: Closer to Love by Mat Kearney. I've loved this song from the first moment I heard it. I also love his new album, which I have yet to purchase, but definitely intend to. We all have our moments when the world comes crashing down around us. We find ourselves shocked and in disbelief. In our rooms crying for relief, for a miracle. And we all have in our minds the dream that through all of it, there will be someone there to offer a shoulder to cry on, to pick us back up, to pull us back to the surface, to bring us closer to hope, closer to love. Love, the raw emotion - the light in the dark - that always surfaces in the midst of tragedy.

The Memory Keeper's Daughter

I just read this book called The Memory Keeper's Daughter.










I was really skeptical about it at first, but my mom read it for book club, so I gave it a chance. It was a really intense book. Most of it is really depressing, and some of the characters were really frustrating. But, after I finished it I decided that I really did like it. It gave really good perspective on life. The book is centered on choices. One choice really. A split-second decision that changed the course of a family's life forever.

It's always so crazy to think about all of our decisions and how they shape our lives. Sometimes we choose to do things that have minor effect on our futures, but sometimes we choose to do things that will forever impact our futures, whether it's for good or bad. Usually we have time to think over our choices before we make big changes. Hopefully marriage is one of those things, and buying a house or car, deciding on a major, etc. But sometimes things are decided so fast that we barely have time to really think things over before changes are already in motion. In the book, the father makes a decision in the moment and doesn't realize the impact it's going to have in his life. It's a decision that he keeps secret from everyone in his life, even his wife. And it destroys his marriage. He never tells his family what he did. He thought he was keeping everyone safe by keeping this secret, but really he was destroying his own life and the lives of those around him. He was so stubborn, he was afraid of what would happen if he told what he did, he thought it would ruin everything, but instead, by keeping it to himself, everything was ruined anyway. It's so interesting to see how certain decisions pan out in the long run. It may be barely detectable, but every choice we make shapes every moment of our lives.

The book goes through the character's lives. It focuses a few chapters on a year or two of each of their lives and then it skips several years. I think it goes through 20 or 30 years. It really made me stop and think about how things change over the years and the possibilities that life holds. I'm only 21, I still have 3 or 4 more "20 year" spans to look forward to. That's a lot of time.

I think it's really easy for us to get caught up in our own lives and in silly superficial things that aren't really important to our overall life. We forget that we have years left to live. Especially being single and in college, nothing is really permanent, everything is changing and sometimes I feel completely lost. I get so focused on one thing that I forget that in 5 years, everything will probably be totally different.

E F G

A- Attached or single: Single. represent. ha.

B- Best Friend: number one is deb, but larke runs a close second, and then there's so many more.

C- Cake or Pie: Pie all the way. Pecan, Pumpkin, Cherry, Banana Cream, Chocolate. mmm...pie

D- Day of choice: I guess Saturday. Sleeping in is so nice.

E- Essential Item: does everything in my purse count? If i were to go cheesy, i would say, my smile. ha.

F- Favorite Color: Brown, preferably with blue

G- Gummi Bears or Gummi Worms: Hmm...both? gummi bears only if they're from Sams, and worms only if their the ones with sugar on them

H- Hometown: P-Town

I- Indulgence(s): um...sometimes i eat less dinner so i can have more dessert

J- January or July: July, duh, that's the easiest question

K- Kids: Well my mom wants me to have 10, but I'm an only child, so probably somewhere in the middle. All i can say is my husband is going to have to do a lot of convincing for me to even have the first one.

L- Life is Incomplete Without: Smiles, Laughing, Friends, Family

M- Marriage Date: Hopefully sometime within the next century would be nice.

N- Number of Siblings: oh dear, here goes. Genetically none, but otherwise: 3 boys 1 girl on dad's side and 5 boys 2 girls mom's side. so 11 total + me = 12

O- Oranges or Apples: Currently apples, but sometimes oranges are the best.

P- Phobias or Fears: 5 letters: S H A R K

Q- Quotes: I can never come up with a good one on command. I saw this on a James Christensen painting...."To love for the sake of being loved is human, but to love for the sake of loving is angelic". Also, "Awesome Blossom".

R- Reason To Smile: seeing your face

S- Season: Spring or Fall, Spring because of the rain, Fall because of the colors.

T- Tag Three: veto.

U- Unknown Fact About Me: hmm. I still haven't seen half of the last season of Gilmore Girls, which is just craziness. Although I have seen the finale, and it was crap.

V- Vegetarian or Meat Eater: um, meat is good.

W- Worst Habit: probably not following through, like with rules and goals i set for myself, which probably means i lack self-discipline. is that considered a habit?

X- X-Rays or Ultrasounds: Well, my only experiences with X-Rays involve pain, so I'm going to say Ultrasounds. But really, when do we have a choice?

Y- Your Favorite Food: mmm, food. Mashed potatoes, cookies, onion rings, bicuits and gravy

Z- Zodiac: Scorpio. that's right, watch your back.

Song-of-the-Week: She Must Think I'm Crazy by Thriving Ivory. I chose this mostly because it's the song I'm listening to right now. But I also really love it. The words have passed through my mind so many times. Like when I'm trying to convince myself that things worked out for the best, but still having doubts. The lyrics are just so good. I love the line: "I've decided I won't change, No, I won't change for you. I've decided to look out for myself, But you make it so hard to do." Sometimes it really is like losing your mind over nothing at all.

picture picture

ok so i totally forgot that i uploaded these pictures a few days ago. i am awesome. so.....on to the tour....

the living room

really nice fireplace. the entertainment unit is really cool. and there are windows everywhere

the kitchen

this might be my dream kitchen. granite tops, huge island, a big window above the sink, oh and the stove is gas and it's so big.

dining room

it's actually connected to the kitchen. look at all those windows. and the nice deck. ok i guess this is the only picture with close window shots. you see how there are small windows above the window? well, those are on all the windows. they're even above all the doors in the house. so you can clearly see when a light is on but the door is closed. i think it's really cool. i wish i had a picture to show.

the bonus room

ok, i have never heard a room called a "bonus room" before, but i quite like it. it's the room above the garage and it's kind of like another living room, but bigger and better. there's a bed to back left of the picture and a whole bunch of room behind with windows and cubby holes. look at that tv. nice. i spent a lot of time in here until the cable box  in here stopped working.

mine and larke's room

it's a beauty, this picture doesn't show it off very well. i sleep on the half of the bed that you can see. my bunny blanket is on the bed and that's my new purse on the chair. the ceiling is pretty high and there's a fan that stays on pretty much all the time. oh and sorry if there's anything questionable in the picture.

the stairway

the whole downstairs (except the office and the family room) is hardwood floors. very nice.

so, there you have it...or at least part of it. i'm so sad to be leaving. i love it here. a lot. the house, the city, the weather, but most of all the people.

hold your breath....because I said so

So, I'm sure you're wondering why in the world would I decide to leave my dear Larke and the beautiful Colorado. Well, sadly, Larke and I have decided that me leaving is the best thing for both of us right now. You see, we have both acquired some....unwanted "baggage" of, say, about 5+ pounds each, since I've gotten here. I don't think I need to emphasize the seriousness of this issue. How will we ever be able to find happiness in our lives if this continues? There is just too much at stake. So, the decision was made that I must leave so as to save our happiness, and, let's face it, our lives.

And if you believed any of that then you should be ashamed of yourself. We're not that shallow...most of the time. But for reals. I haven't been able to find a job and as nice as it's been not having to work (it's been fantastic, by the way), my chances of surviving college with no money are, well, slim to none. And I feel good about going back. I'm not sure why, since I don't really have much to look forward too in Utah for the rest of the summer, but I've got the faith, and that's all that matters right? So, I'm going back to my amazing BYU job (and you better believe i'm taking the stairs) and hopefully I'll be living at my dad's in the good ol' Eagle Mountain, sleeping in a bed all to myself, not my own bed, of course - that was disposed of long ago, but a bed all for myself nonetheless :)

Can I just say that I miss my family? I honestly didn't think I would get homesick, and I didn't really. Until this last week. I miss my mom (especially her hugs, as previously noted). And I miss my dad (and his hugs, they're amazing). It's sad knowing that I'm missing family parties and birthdays and stuff. Two months is not a long time, I know, but it was a good glimpse.

With all that said, I'm going to miss Larke so much! and her family. they are amazing (have I used that word too much in one post?). they have been nice to let me live in their house and eat their food and lounge about with no care in the world (me, not them). I'm sure they'll be glad to be rid of me. haha. They are hilarious. I laugh a lot. Jantz (larke's little brother) has been my entertainment when Larke's at work or school. He's hilarious. and a punk at the same time. so basically like the little brother i never had (....until of course i got 4 little brothers).

I love living out here - my dad and stepmom would LOVE it. seriously, they should move out here, there is no other place out there this perfect...well, ok, if it didn't snow here, then it would be perfect.

I'm gonna miss shopping for clothes (with money I don't have), going out to eat (with money I don't have), watching movies (those are free...usually), dvr-ing countless tv shows (of which I have now become addicted to - the tv shows, not the dvr...ok a little bit the dvr), watching csi for as long as my heart desires (also courtesy of dvr), eating larke's brownies (they are THE best), not holding back comments (which are always meant to be funny of course and result in me laughing - sometimes i say funny things ok? there's no one else i can do such things with), trying to fall asleep after larke has reached her "slap happy" state and won't stop laughing, thus making me laugh, which equals less sleep for her (not for me, I sleep until whenever I want...which is always 9 for some reason), and, well, just hanging out with larke doing whatever (like writing this blog while she writes a talk for church tomorrow-and the inspiration for the title of this post. yep i'm going to miss even these moments), and countless other things which i'll withhold, from this post at least.

I'm only a little sorry this blog was so long. But honestly, if you really count me as a friend then you'll have suffered through it. Although if you would use the word "suffer" then maybe we shouldn't be friends...

Song-of-the-Week make up: I don't think i did one last week - because i'm a slackface. so here it is: Ain't No Sunshine by Kris Allen. I know, I know, another one! But this one is only a tribute because he won! I was shocked. shocked! he's my fave, but Adam was better and I think he deserved it more to win. But alas, that was not the case. I'm super excited for his cd to come out. So, enjoy my dears!

oh and ps, i'm going to post pictures if not tomorrow then for sure on monday, so, mark your calendars. ha!

Wet

I wish you were all here right now. It is pouring rain. Like, pouring. and it is so beautiful. I should really be out there right now dancing around. I love rain out here. It's not like Utah rain; it actually stays for more than like 10 minutes. Sometimes it rains half the day. I love it. I'm going to miss it. and Colorado for that matter. Oh, I guess I should confirm that I am, in fact, coming back to Utah like planned in the middle of June, the 18th is the plan. I'm excited to be back home, and you better believe you're going to be seeing me! but boy am I going to miss this place. It's been so much fun.

My camera batteries are charging right now, but when they finish I'll try to put up some pictures of the past few weeks...unfortunately none from the amazing rain because of previously mentioned batteries.

photo-less

So it's kind of ridiculous that i've been here for almost a month and i still have no new pictures. i'm sure you're disappointed, because i certainly am. i wish i could tell you that my camera isn't working or i lost a vital piece of it, but i can't because that would be lying. i should have so many pictures to show off, but i have zero...unless you count pictures of just me, then i have a lot haha, but no one wants to look at those but me. So this post is a promise of more pictures to come.

Also, i love my mom. and frantic 30 second phone conversations. and talk of gilmore girls. especially when the three are combined.

Hot Fudge

Ok, so I forgot that I planned to write another blog this week....so here it is haha.

Some updates...I talked to my boss at BYU and he is a-okay with letting me stay here all summer and for sure on letting me still work in the fall, which is just fantastic. All I need to do is find a job, which will ultimately be the determining factor. I've applied for a couple already. I just really hate looking for jobs and I honestly really don't want to get a job, so the motivation factor is certainly getting in the way. But I know I have to, so I'm trying real hard to want it to happen. Along with the staying business, I think that I'm going to have to cut out pretty much all my traveling...well, mostly. I'm 100% for sure going to daisy's wedding and my family camp thing in August. I'm pretty sure i'll be going to San Diego with Larke, although it might cost too much, we'll see. Anyway, I'm really bummed I don't get to do the other stuff, like a lot. But oh well, I guess that's life. You have to have money if you want to do it all. But I'll see Stevo in two years and my family will still be there with more family reunions to come in the future.

Larke and I went to eat at Cheesecake Factory tonight. It was delish, as always. but this time instead of getting what I always get, I got orange chicken. and let me tell you, it was amazing, exactly what i was in the mood for, perfect. (and i made the decision really fast, which never happens) and then I got the brownie sundae cheesecake (because how on earth can you go to the cheesecake factory and not get cheesecake? i mean really). I've wanted to get this one for quite some time, because, well, i love love love hot fudge, but for some reason i just haven't. so i got it (i know, a night of risk taking, haha) and it was so so good.

So, good times. I do miss lots of people though, especially my mom's hugs.

Song-of-the-Week: Heartless by Kris Allen. I know I know, 2 Kris Allen songs in a row? but really, i love love (man i'm on a roll with the double words tonight haha) this song, especially when he sings it. he's my fave. i have bought so many of his songs off iTunes, it's kind of ridiculous, but i just can't help myself. Kanye's version is pretty fantastic, but, well, so is this one.

Decisions

Whoa, it has been a real long time since i've written anything. I've been thinking about maybe staying here for the whole summer. There are so many things in the air, but I really want to stay. However, that means I would have to get a job. And, there are so many things going on this summer that if i stayed, i would have to choose what to go to, since travelling isn't all that cheep. Here's the fun things going on:

May 31: Stevo, basically our 7th roommate at the Glenwood (and our fhe dad) has his farewell in California. I really want to go because my roommates will be there and I didn't say goodbye to him before I left, which is just not allowed. If I go, I would fly to Utah on the 28th, drive with two of my roommates on Friday to California, then leave on Monday to Utah, and fly back on Tuesday. If I don't go, I can always wait until his homecoming in two years. And of course I'm going to write him on the mish.

June 19-20: Family Reunion with Steve's family at cabins up in Heber. I love family get togethers and so of course I want to go to this, but my mom said that if necessary, I don't have to go. I wouldn't be that heartbroken if I didn't go, but it would be fun. If I went, I would probable fly in Friday morning and then fly back Sunday. It's also my dad and sister's birthday that week, so I would probably be able to see them, which would be nice.

July 8-13: Larke's friend is getting married in San Diego and she wants me to come with her so she can have a friend. It would be way fun to go. And on my way back I could just fly to Utah for Daisy's wedding.

July 14: Daisy's wedding. Of course I am for sure coming to this no matter what, definitely wouldn't miss it. If I stay here and go with Larke to California, I'll just fly from there to Utah and then on the 15th I'll fly back to Colorado. If I got a job, I would have to make sure I had this time off.

August 13-18: Family trip with my dad. I'm so excited for this one and of course I'm going no matter what. We're going to some place in Colorado to go camping. There are like cave ruins and stuff. If I stay here I will probably meet up with my family for the trip and then go with them back to Utah when we're done.

So...if I do stay. Then I'll only have a job from like June to the middle of August, with a week break in between. So that's like 2 and 1/2 or 3 months. It isn't very long, but I think it's long enough to have a job of some kind. If I come back to Provo, I won't really have to worry about all the travelling business and I can probably go to everything. Really, it mostly comes down to money. It's probably like 200 a trip, so with 3 trips that about 600. I definitely don't have enough for that.

Then there's of course the matter of my job at BYU. When I left, it was understood that I would be able to keep my job in the fall if I came back for summer term. So, I'm going to talk to my boss again and see what he says. If I can't keep my job there, then I'll have to decide if it's worth it to let it go and have to find another job for two semesters when I get back.

I just don't really know what to do. I really want to stay, and I'm leaning more towards that. I don't really have anything pulling me to come back to Provo other than my job. There's other things that come into play, but I figure if I decide I should stay, then the rest will work out.

I know that was a lot, but I needed to dump some of what's going on in my head.

Any thoughts?

Give me an Oreo....please?

I know this will sound cheesy, but even just being here for a few days, I've realized just how much I've missed Larke. We have so much fun together. And even though she has work and school and usually doesn't get home until like 8 or 9 at night, it's still been really good. She's such a good friend and honestly, she's helped me through so many hard times, even when we've been apart. And her family has been so nice and welcoming. Her mom is home during the day and so usually it's just her and me for most of the day. We go on walks in the mornings sometimes and she always makes sure I eat when I should. She's like my colorado mom (no offense mom, you'll always be the best). They have family dinner together. with real meals. It's fantastic. And their house is amazing. They built it a few years ago and the layout is so cool. I might have to take pictures. And the decor? yeah, even better. Every room is decorated with so many cute little things. It's just so homey, but also looks like it could come out of one of those magazines. But it's not like, you don't want to touch anything and you have to leave your shoes at the door and only eat in the kitchen. It's comfortable and classy at the same time. Basically, I love it.


The first couple days I'm pretty sure they were a little worried about me because I mostly just stayed upstairs and read in Larke's room or watched tv. Jantz (Larke's little brother) was always like, where have you been all day? Yeah, so I felt dumb haha. But I've gotten more used to everything, and it's been fun.


Oh, and there was a little den of foxes out in front of the house - a mom and i think 3 babies. They're pretty cute. They moved a couple days ago. Oh, and deer! They are everywhere. On the roadside, in the backyard, in the front yard, in the neighbors yard. I went on a walk today and when I was walking back there were 2 deer like 3 feet away from me on the driveway. Kind of freaky haha.

I'll try to take pictures soon and post them for all to see. I miss everyone a lot!

Song-of-the-Week: She Works Hard for the Money by Kris Allen. That's right, American Idol. I pretty much love Kris. I don't think he will win, but he might be my favorite. I guess this song is kind of ironic at the moment since I'm not working, but in normal life, she does work hard for the money. And I've recently become aware that I love shopping even more than ever, which is not so good with no money coming in haha.