Back in Utah. not very excited about it. New Jersey was just way too good. this week was so much fun. i loved every second. I took a bunch of pictures, I'll try to post some soon. Here's one now for your enjoyment, Spiderman up close and personal:
My mother and I are leaving in a few hours to spend Thanksgiving in New Jersey with my awesome aunt and her family. Hopefully we get to go to the Met, which, let's be honest, would be my most favorite thing. I get to maybe go to the Thanksgiving Day Parade too. I get to make pies and be with family. I'd say a pretty good holiday week.
I guess I better go start packing.....
I haven't been able to come up with a good song of the week for a couple weeks, mostly because all the songs I want aren't on playlist. but, I've listened to this song a lot recently (and I also love the show :). love it:
Song-of-the-Week: Take a Bow by the cast of Glee (really just Lea Michele) I don't know why I've loved this song so much, but boy have I. Evertime it comes on my ipod I think, sad song, change it. but then it keeps going, and I love it. And my shout-out to Glee is that I love it. You should watch it.
I guess it's about time I write a blog haha.
My birthday was pretty much fantastic.
Thursday was a surprise birthday dinner/party. People just kept popping up: Derek, Amanda, Maria, my mom, Joel, Spencer. I have such cool friends. Amazing hamburgers and onion rings (my fave) and delish eclairs. Oh, and the coolest part, goodie bags, provided by my awesome mom. Very appreciated presents. So unexpected. So fun. Pretty much exactly what I needed.
Friday was a delish homemade dinner with Deb, Nikki, and Trisha. Awesome presents that I will treasure for always. Followed by an excellent girls night of movie-watching. A night with my bestie. I'm afraid the days for such partying are few, so it was a perfect present.
Saturday was a full day of RB (aka racquetball) and delcious sushi with Maria, dinner with my super cool family. really good pizza and the best chocolate cake ever. adorable niece who I think finally knows who I am and actually likes me. I love family time. Then movie with Maria and friends. 2012. intense. homework til 3. Slept at my dad's because my fear of slippy roads is extremely high these days.
Sunday - the BIG day. Recieved many a text and phone call, all of which I loved. It really turned into several days of partying followed by a day of relaxing on my actual birthday. Which really was all I could have asked for. I slept until 1:30 in the afternoon and it was amazing. Had some good, much needed talks with the parents. got really emotional - tears of happiness and relief. Felt extremely loved and undeserving of such love and presents.
Unfortunately, the only pictures taken were at the party on Thursday. so that is what I'm providing you with:
THANKS EVERYBODY!!!I found this nice little surprise at the end of a test:
"Not part of my essay!: I pay well! How about I give you $20 if you give me an A! Haha just kidding I only have $5 I can give you for an A :) cuz I'm a poor freshman with no spare cash!"
bribing, really?
I think he is my new favorite.
today has been kind of blah. so, in an act of desperation to make my day feel somewhat accomplished, i have come up with some words about the love of my life that is art...
I love art. Here are some things I love about it. I love art that makes you feel something. i love emotion. that makes you pause at the beauty. that makes you question everything you've ever known. i love drapery. the folds. the movement. the contrasting light and dark. i love color. bold color. beautiful combinations that make art worth looking at.
my hands-down favorite work of art. Nike of Samothrace.
whenever i feel like my life is crashing down, I like to look at this. she has just flown down and barely landed onto a ship. she looks so victorious. like, she can do anything. she is that powerful and confident. i love the drapery. like it's fighting against the forces of the wind. the forces of the world are upon her and she has no hesitation in taking it on.
I think this work is precious. it's not necessarily one of my favorites, but i definitely like it. it's Joseph and child by Guido Reni (one of my faves for sure). before this time, Joseph was rarely shown as being apart of Christ's life. but this painting. it's such an intimate relationship between Joseph and his son. He looks so entranced by Christ - like a father with his newborn baby. and Christ's response is playful and just, cute. i love seeing such cute relationships between fathers and their children.
I randomly found this on the internet a long time ago. Konstantin Flavitsky's Princess Tarakanova. There was a legend that she got locked in a room which then got flooded. she had no way out. she must accept her fate, whether she wants it or not. she has a look of such dispare. like life has given her the impossible and she feels utterly alone and helpless. i think we all feel like this sometimes. i know i do.
My bestie's birthday was yesterday. I hope she had a great day. She deserves it. School + graduation + planning a wedding + coming home to a messy apartment (and maybe messy roommate?) = need for some amazing birthdayness.
Thanks for putting up with me all the time Deb, you're the best best friend I could ask for.
Since I didn't take any pictures yesterday (terrible, I know), here is one of my favorite recent pictures of us:
the runway would be covered in leaves. because it would look so cool when the models walked through them. whenever i've walked home the past week, the ground is covered in leaves. and i love to kick them up as i walk. it's way too fun. it's nice having those little moments where i'm not thinking about anything important.
remember:
this
plus this
= really cool
Song-of-the-Week: All the Right Moves by OneRepublic. I love this song. Loved it from the moment I heard it...the second time. it gets stuck in my head sometimes, and then i listen to it, and then i'm happy. i think this would be a pretty cool runway song i think, which is fitting :) Unfortunately my lovely playlist.com doesn't have any songs by OneRepublic, so if you're dying to hear it, you can go here and watch it with the cool music video on YouTube. To compensate for no new song in my playlist, I've added Dressed to Kill by Landon Pigg. also love it. it gets stuck in my head too.
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Today as I walked home from campus, a wave of leaves fell from the trees. I wanted them to keep falling. I wanted to lay in them and roll around like a little girl. I know that falling leaves means the onset of winter, which I loath. But, for those few moments, I welcomed the beauty.
Song-of-the-Day: Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova. From the Once soundtrack. I also love Kris Allen's version.
Approximately one hour from now I will be on my way to California. Disneyland all day tomorrow. BYU football game on Saturday. With my super awesome friends Maria, Greg, and Derek. I hope to have lots of pictures to show you when I return.
After talking to one of my Art History professors, who tried to convince me to stay at BYU to get my masters degree, I'm slowly - and I mean slowly - coming around to the idea. I went through a few days of complete shock that I may stay in Utah for another 2 years. It just wasn't in the plan. At all. I was getting excited to leave.
But. Maybe it would be nice to stay. As long as it's not forever.
Maybe more on this later....
I know she's only a phone call away (10 minutes away even). But I know if I call her I'll start crying. Not because I'm sad - because I'm not - but just because. Because she's my mom and sometimes you just need a hug from your mom. To just hear her voice. Even when you're happy, which I am. Sometimes I try to be so independent that I forget how much I need her. Just to share happy moments with (and of course the sad ones too).
I feel like a little girl. I'm sitting at my desk at work. Near tears. Because I'm happy, but I still want my mommy. Like a 3 year old.
Song-of-the-Night: Party in the USA by our dear Miley Cyrus
...because it's been stuck in my head since you sang it to me half an hour ago
The football game on Friday was awesome. Very cold, but way fun. Also, at work we have this thing called "Cougarosity" where employees dress up for BYU football games when we play at home. I walked into my boss's office to ask him a question and the next thing I knew he was taking my picture because I was wearing a BYU shirt. Here is said picture. I didn't even win ha.
Conference was great, as always. Those apostles are just so cute.
I went to an awesome girly fondue party on Saturday night. It was delicious. I love fondue. When I get married, we are definitely registering for a fondue pot, that's all I can say.
I've been grading tests all weekend. It's been intense, let me tell you. Some are good, some are bad, and it's not so fun having to give people bad grades, even if they do deserve them.
Song-of-the-Week: Good Riddance by Green Day. I love playing this song on the guitar. And I miss my lovely guitar. So this is in commemoration of my current want to play it and inability to do so.
Well, I've narrowed down my grad school selection to 5. I think maybe that's a lot, but they cover a range of really good to just ok art history grad programs, so, someone has to let me in :)
1-Princeton (this is MY number one choice, not only because it's one of the best, but because it's only like 45 minutes from my aunt julie, which equals my favorite)
2-UC at Berkeley (they also are top-rated, but mostly the weather would be awesome, that's really the only appeal for me haha)
3-Northwestern [this is white] (they have a good program, but not as highly rated as UC and Princeton. also it looks like i could get my degree in a shorter amount of time, which is just what i want)
4-University of Colorado at Boulder (this was originally my top choice, before my eyes were opened to my potential. the only reason i would love going here was to be close to larke. otherwise, their program is good, but definitely nothing to write home about)
5-University of Utah [this is also white] (ok, this is like, "if no one accepts me, they have to" option. maybe i shouldn't even have this option, but, just in case, i need a back-up back-up)
I have graciously provided you with each school's colors, if that sways your opinion at all.
also, i think i really love football. like, i would watch it on tv (if i had one). maybe that's going a little far. but, byu games have been so much fun. i guess what i'm saying is, if my husband loves football, i'll watch it with him. so really, score for him.
song of the week: We Used to be Friends by The Dandy Warhols. because Veronica Mars is the best. and this is the theme song. love it.
It seems like I haven't put music up here in a while, and I've been listening to some pretty awesome music today, so here's a few selections....
Makeover by David Cook. My relationship with my dear David is touch and go most of the time. Today has been a "go" day. I've probably listened to this song dozens of times, but today I finally decided that I like it.
Three Cheers for Five Years by Mayday Parade. I've been listening to Mayday Parade at least once a day for the past couple weeks. I love them. lots. I just think they're awesome.
If You Wanted a Song Written About You, All You Had To Do Was Ask by Mayday Parade. I know, another one. But I love them that much. They have such cool song titles. Of all the songs I look up on songmeanings.net (which is a lot), I probably look up Mayday Parade songs the most.
Drawing a Line in the Sand by Brandtson. I got this song free on iTunes a really long time ago. And I still love it. How could you not? It's like a song of victory. After getting your heart broken and finally getting over it.
Down by SafetySuit. I stumbled upon this song whilst looking for another of their songs, Stay (which I also love). I really like this song. I know I say that for, like, every song I put on here, but, that's why I put them on here haha. So, you should just listen to it.
This is me trying to be optimistic about this:
-i COULD see the world in a whole new light
-i COULD actually enjoy living in a "foreign" place
-i COULD find a job to pay the bills that doesn't make me miserable
-i COULD find a great place to live
-i COULD get scholarships and not have to pay for school
-i COULD fall even more in love with Art History
-i COULD fall madly in love with a guy who wants to marry me (doubtful, but possible)
-i COULD actually enjoy getting a Ph.D.
-i COULD be really speedy and not be gone for like, a million years (and by million I mean more than 5)
-i COULD get a great education that COULD get me a real nice job someday
-i COULD make some amazing new friends
-i COULD travel the world
-i COULD actually find some happiness in a new place
But even after all of that, it still means leaving family. friends. comfort. But, I'm trying to be positive about that too:
-i'll still be able to come home for holidays
-i can come home during the summer, if i want
-everyone is only a phone call away
-i have facebook to see pictures and stay updated
-friends and family could come visit me (with bribes of course)
and with all of THAT said, I may not even get into the places I want. Maybe I'll end up going to UofU. but maybe, just MAYBE, I'll get accepted to the places I want, like Northwestern, or UC, or some other great place I find.
So, I'm sure you've all heard me complain about how I don't want to go to grad school, and especially about not wanting to get a Ph.D. But, I'm trying to be more positive about it. Because I've decided, you know what? why not. I'm not married, I don't have kids. Why not just go for it? All the way. If that stuff happens to be an issue, then great, I'll take it as it comes. But for now, I really have nothing to lose.
My biggest complaint about a Ph.D. is that I don't want to be in another state at some school for like, years and years. But really, even though it will be so sad to be away from family and friends and the life I've grown accustomed to, there really isn't a solid, major reason for me not to pursue such a degree. And really, it will be good for me to be out "on my own". And if I really do go for it, then it should be somewhere good. Not just a place that's "close to family" or "close to friends". It should be a place that will actually give me a good education - you know, that could actually get me somewhere, if necessary.
I just kind of hate making these plans because really, it makes it permanent. And permanence scares me. Because I don't want to leave here. I want to leave Provo. But not my family. And not my friends. That scares me the most. Being all alone. Who am I going to hang out with? Who's going to make me laugh after a hard day? Who's going to give me a hug just because they love me? It makes me teary-eyed just thinking about it.
I also hate it because it seems like I'm going to somehow lose the chance to get married. I know that sounds totally irrational. And it is. But it's still there. In my mind. Everyday. You're choosing to go to school so you can work, which means you're not going to get married for a long time. I hate that I think like that, but I just can't get that thought to go away. Especially because I don't see another option. I can't not go to grad school, because a bachelors degree in Art History equals crap.
So, it's my destiny I suppose. The plan I've created for myself without even knowing it. It just scares me. The unknown. The possibilities. I've only looked at the pessimistic ones. So many good things could happen I know, but I'm not breaching those quite yet. I still need some time to relish in my fear. Then I'll share all the good things that could happen :)
Here's four schools that I've kind of looked at. I think I like Northwestern....
http://graduate-school.phds.org/rankings/art-history/compare-programs?p1=20817&p2=21403&p3=19698&p4=23253&p5=19779&p6=20098
On another note, I played Rock Band with my family for a few hours today. and had my favorite meal. and ate delicious pie and cake. and heard my adorable niece say "Ali" lots of times. And it brought me to two conclusions: 1-I love Rock Band, and 2-I LOVE my family
As you can see, i'm managing my time better so that i have more time for the important things, such as blogging.
I have a wee bit of a cold. It started Sunday morning. But I think it's almost gone. Which is good. I can't be sick this semester. It just can't happen. Ha, watch now I'm going to get really sick.
I love 3-day weekends. I think they should happen every week. Here's a bit of what I did: Saturday (in Eagle Mountain) - went to Julie and Julia (loved it). ate some Pie (delicious). watched the BYU game and did some homework (yay for BYU! they were amazing!) [I'm trying to get more into the football scene, considering I bought an all-sports pass this year - i know, ME - so far, so good]. i don't remember what happened after that. Oh yeah! duh. Went to get SUSHI for the first time. I was really scared, but you know what? I actually liked it. And want to try it again (I know, I've been surprising myself a lot lately). Watched Moulin Rouge (good times).
Sunday - church at 8:30 in the morning! madness. but the nap afterward was very nice. Went to EM (eagle mountain...), watched a movie, ate cake (that I made, mind you...a week previously). threw cake away.
Monday - did homework all morning (so proud of myself). Went to Deb's pool party. Swam for the first time in my new swimsuit! so cute, but, i've never not worn shorts with my swimsuit, so, that was kind of weird. Went to a movie, got to eat delish corn dog and ice cream cone in the theatre.
All in all, an excellent weekend. and oh look, my time is up.
Song-of-the-week: Warm Whispers by Missy Higgins. I pretty much like her new stuff a lot. And this happened to be the first song I could find in the ten seconds I have to write this. Anyway, like it a lot.
I have exactly 5 minutes before i need to scamper off to Italian 201. So we'll see what i can write about for 5 minutes. good luck.
This week has been crazy, and it's only barely half-way done. I have been non-stop. Classes are definitely a plenty this semester. 16 credits. I've never attempted such a load before. 12 all the way was my motto. but no longer. graduation is in sight.
oh, and TAing for ArtHC 202. that adds another class. so, 6 in total that i will be attending in these next few months. intense. that's all that crosses through my mind. oh an work at the CTL. of course i could never forget that.
i am still in limbo with my schedule of working. pretty much i'm going to be on campus from 9-4 everyday, somedays longer, hopefully friday's will be shorter. and i will only get 2 half an hour breaks where i don't have to work. which is right now. monday and wednesday's from 11:14 - 11:50.
I'm getting more and more excited about getting into the flow of things. even though it scares me. all that work. all that focus. i'm going to have to cut back on the fun. but maybe that just means that when fun does happen, it will have to be more concentrated. so...extra fun, just less often. i think maybe i can handle that. it's for the greater good, after all (which is graduation with admission to a grad school of my choice. in case you were wondering).
Well, 5 minutes is up and i must be off. not even time for a song. sad.
