If I had my own fashion show

the runway would be covered in leaves. because it would look so cool when the models walked through them. whenever i've walked home the past week, the ground is covered in leaves. and i love to kick them up as i walk. it's way too fun. it's nice having those little moments where i'm not thinking about anything important.

remember:

this









plus this












= really cool

Song-of-the-Week: All the Right Moves by OneRepublic. I love this song. Loved it from the moment I heard it...the second time. it gets stuck in my head sometimes, and then i listen to it, and then i'm happy. i think this would be a pretty cool runway song i think, which is fitting :) Unfortunately my lovely playlist.com doesn't have any songs by OneRepublic, so if you're dying to hear it, you can go here and watch it with the cool music video on YouTube. To compensate for no new song in my playlist, I've added Dressed to Kill by Landon Pigg. also love it. it gets stuck in my head too.

Pumpkins

I spent Friday night eating delicious home-cooked food

and carving pumpkins with my awesome family.

Here's mine. I think I like this pumpkin carving business.

Falling Slowly

Today as I walked home from campus, a wave of leaves fell from the trees. I wanted them to keep falling. I wanted to lay in them and roll around like a little girl. I know that falling leaves means the onset of winter, which I loath. But, for those few moments, I welcomed the beauty.

Song-of-the-Day: Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova. From the Once soundtrack. I also love Kris Allen's version.

ROAD TRIP

Approximately one hour from now I will be on my way to California. Disneyland all day tomorrow. BYU football game on Saturday. With my super awesome friends Maria, Greg, and Derek. I hope to have lots of pictures to show you when I return.

Things are a Changin'

After talking to one of my Art History professors, who tried to convince me to stay at BYU to get my masters degree, I'm slowly - and I mean slowly - coming around to the idea. I went through a few days of complete shock that I may stay in Utah for another 2 years. It just wasn't in the plan. At all. I was getting excited to leave.

But. Maybe it would be nice to stay. As long as it's not forever.

Maybe more on this later....

i want my mommy

I know she's only a phone call away (10 minutes away even). But I know if I call her I'll start crying. Not because I'm sad - because I'm not - but just because. Because she's my mom and sometimes you just need a hug from your mom. To just hear her voice. Even when you're happy, which I am. Sometimes I try to be so independent that I forget how much I need her. Just to share happy moments with (and of course the sad ones too).

I feel like a little girl. I'm sitting at my desk at work. Near tears. Because I'm happy, but I still want my mommy. Like a 3 year old.

this one's for you deb...

Song-of-the-Night: Party in the USA by our dear Miley Cyrus

...because it's been stuck in my head since you sang it to me half an hour ago

humanism, symbolism, conference, and football

The football game on Friday was awesome. Very cold, but way fun. Also, at work we have this thing called "Cougarosity" where employees dress up for BYU football games when we play at home. I walked into my boss's office to ask him a question and the next thing I knew he was taking my picture because I was wearing a BYU shirt. Here is said picture. I didn't even win ha.













Conference was great, as always. Those apostles are just so cute.

I went to an awesome girly fondue party on Saturday night. It was delicious. I love fondue. When I get married, we are definitely registering for a fondue pot, that's all I can say.

I've been grading tests all weekend. It's been intense, let me tell you. Some are good, some are bad, and it's not so fun having to give people bad grades, even if they do deserve them.

Song-of-the-Week: Good Riddance by Green Day. I love playing this song on the guitar. And I miss my lovely guitar. So this is in commemoration of my current want to play it and inability to do so.

now that i have my GRE scores, it's down to business

Well, I've narrowed down my grad school selection to 5. I think maybe that's a lot, but they cover a range of really good to just ok art history grad programs, so, someone has to let me in :)

1-Princeton (this is MY number one choice, not only because it's one of the best, but because it's only like 45 minutes from my aunt julie, which equals my favorite)

2-UC at Berkeley (they also are top-rated, but mostly the weather would be awesome, that's really the only appeal for me haha)

3-Northwestern [this is white] (they have a good program, but not as highly rated as UC and Princeton. also it looks like i could get my degree in a shorter amount of time, which is just what i want)

4-University of Colorado at Boulder (this was originally my top choice, before my eyes were opened to my potential. the only reason i would love going here was to be close to larke. otherwise, their program is good, but definitely nothing to write home about)

5-University of Utah [this is also white] (ok, this is like, "if no one accepts me, they have to" option. maybe i shouldn't even have this option, but, just in case, i need a back-up back-up)

I have graciously provided you with each school's colors, if that sways your opinion at all.

also, i think i really love football. like, i would watch it on tv (if i had one). maybe that's going a little far. but, byu games have been so much fun. i guess what i'm saying is, if my husband loves football, i'll watch it with him. so really, score for him.

song of the week: We Used to be Friends by The Dandy Warhols. because Veronica Mars is the best. and this is the theme song. love it.

listen to your heart...and also to music

It seems like I haven't put music up here in a while, and I've been listening to some pretty awesome music today, so here's a few selections....

Makeover by David Cook. My relationship with my dear David is touch and go most of the time. Today has been a "go" day. I've probably listened to this song dozens of times, but today I finally decided that I like it.

Three Cheers for Five Years by Mayday Parade. I've been listening to Mayday Parade at least once a day for the past couple weeks. I love them. lots. I just think they're awesome.

If You Wanted a Song Written About You, All You Had To Do Was Ask by Mayday Parade. I know, another one. But I love them that much. They have such cool song titles. Of all the songs I look up on songmeanings.net (which is a lot), I probably look up Mayday Parade songs the most.

Drawing a Line in the Sand by Brandtson. I got this song free on iTunes a really long time ago. And I still love it. How could you not? It's like a song of victory. After getting your heart broken and finally getting over it.

Down by SafetySuit. I stumbled upon this song whilst looking for another of their songs, Stay (which I also love). I really like this song. I know I say that for, like, every song I put on here, but, that's why I put them on here haha. So, you should just listen to it.

Life in Progress...the happier version

This is me trying to be optimistic about this:

-i COULD see the world in a whole new light

-i COULD actually enjoy living in a "foreign" place

-i COULD find a job to pay the bills that doesn't make me miserable

-i COULD find a great place to live

-i COULD get scholarships and not have to pay for school

-i COULD fall even more in love with Art History

-i COULD fall madly in love with a guy who wants to marry me (doubtful, but possible)

-i COULD actually enjoy getting a Ph.D.

-i COULD be really speedy and not be gone for like, a million years (and by million I mean more than 5)

-i COULD get a great education that COULD get me a real nice job someday

-i COULD make some amazing new friends

-i COULD travel the world

-i COULD actually find some happiness in a new place

But even after all of that, it still means leaving family. friends. comfort. But, I'm trying to be positive about that too:

-i'll still be able to come home for holidays

-i can come home during the summer, if i want

-everyone is only a phone call away

-i have facebook to see pictures and stay updated

-friends and family could come visit me (with bribes of course)

and with all of THAT said, I may not even get into the places I want. Maybe I'll end up going to UofU. but maybe, just MAYBE, I'll get accepted to the places I want, like Northwestern, or UC, or some other great place I find.

Life in Progress

So, I'm sure you've all heard me complain about how I don't want to go to grad school, and especially about not wanting to get a Ph.D. But, I'm trying to be more positive about it. Because I've decided, you know what? why not. I'm not married, I don't have kids. Why not just go for it? All the way. If that stuff happens to be an issue, then great, I'll take it as it comes. But for now, I really have nothing to lose.

My biggest complaint about a Ph.D. is that I don't want to be in another state at some school for like, years and years. But really, even though it will be so sad to be away from family and friends and the life I've grown accustomed to, there really isn't a solid, major reason for me not to pursue such a degree. And really, it will be good for me to be out "on my own". And if I really do go for it, then it should be somewhere good. Not just a place that's "close to family" or "close to friends". It should be a place that will actually give me a good education - you know, that could actually get me somewhere, if necessary.

I just kind of hate making these plans because really, it makes it permanent. And permanence scares me. Because I don't want to leave here. I want to leave Provo. But not my family. And not my friends. That scares me the most. Being all alone. Who am I going to hang out with? Who's going to make me laugh after a hard day? Who's going to give me a hug just because they love me? It makes me teary-eyed just thinking about it.

I also hate it because it seems like I'm going to somehow lose the chance to get married. I know that sounds totally irrational. And it is. But it's still there. In my mind. Everyday. You're choosing to go to school so you can work, which means you're not going to get married for a long time. I hate that I think like that, but I just can't get that thought to go away. Especially because I don't see another option. I can't not go to grad school, because a bachelors degree in Art History equals crap.

So, it's my destiny I suppose. The plan I've created for myself without even knowing it. It just scares me. The unknown. The possibilities. I've only looked at the pessimistic ones. So many good things could happen I know, but I'm not breaching those quite yet. I still need some time to relish in my fear. Then I'll share all the good things that could happen :)

Here's four schools that I've kind of looked at. I think I like Northwestern....

http://graduate-school.phds.org/rankings/art-history/compare-programs?p1=20817&p2=21403&p3=19698&p4=23253&p5=19779&p6=20098

On another note, I played Rock Band with my family for a few hours today. and had my favorite meal. and ate delicious pie and cake. and heard my adorable niece say "Ali" lots of times. And it brought me to two conclusions: 1-I love Rock Band, and 2-I LOVE my family

6 minute blog

As you can see, i'm managing my time better so that i have more time for the important things, such as blogging.

I have a wee bit of a cold. It started Sunday morning. But I think it's almost gone. Which is good. I can't be sick this semester. It just can't happen. Ha, watch now I'm going to get really sick.

I love 3-day weekends. I think they should happen every week. Here's a bit of what I did: Saturday (in Eagle Mountain) - went to Julie and Julia (loved it). ate some Pie (delicious). watched the BYU game and did some homework (yay for BYU! they were amazing!) [I'm trying to get more into the football scene, considering I bought an all-sports pass this year - i know, ME - so far, so good]. i don't remember what happened after that. Oh yeah! duh. Went to get SUSHI for the first time. I was really scared, but you know what? I actually liked it. And want to try it again (I know, I've been surprising myself a lot lately). Watched Moulin Rouge (good times).
Sunday - church at 8:30 in the morning! madness. but the nap afterward was very nice. Went to EM (eagle mountain...), watched a movie, ate cake (that I made, mind you...a week previously). threw cake away.
Monday - did homework all morning (so proud of myself). Went to Deb's pool party. Swam for the first time in my new swimsuit! so cute, but, i've never not worn shorts with my swimsuit, so, that was kind of weird. Went to a movie, got to eat delish corn dog and ice cream cone in the theatre.

All in all, an excellent weekend. and oh look, my time is up.

Song-of-the-week: Warm Whispers by Missy Higgins. I pretty much like her new stuff a lot. And this happened to be the first song I could find in the ten seconds I have to write this. Anyway, like it a lot.

5 minute blog

I have exactly 5 minutes before i need to scamper off to Italian 201. So we'll see what i can write about for 5 minutes. good luck.

This week has been crazy, and it's only barely half-way done. I have been non-stop. Classes are definitely a plenty this semester. 16 credits. I've never attempted such a load before. 12 all the way was my motto. but no longer. graduation is in sight.

oh, and TAing for ArtHC 202. that adds another class. so, 6 in total that i will be attending in these next few months. intense. that's all that crosses through my mind. oh an work at the CTL. of course i could never forget that.

i am still in limbo with my schedule of working. pretty much i'm going to be on campus from 9-4 everyday, somedays longer, hopefully friday's will be shorter. and i will only get 2 half an hour breaks where i don't have to work. which is right now. monday and wednesday's from 11:14 - 11:50.

I'm getting more and more excited about getting into the flow of things. even though it scares me. all that work. all that focus. i'm going to have to cut back on the fun. but maybe that just means that when fun does happen, it will have to be more concentrated. so...extra fun, just less often. i think maybe i can handle that. it's for the greater good, after all (which is graduation with admission to a grad school of my choice. in case you were wondering).

Well, 5 minutes is up and i must be off. not even time for a song. sad.

I miss your face

I'm missing a lot of things right now....

I miss my glenwood roommates, especially Laura and Jessica. I wish we were roommates again. We had so much fun together. I miss watching them make dinner and then sitting around talking and talking and laughing.

I miss Larke. It always makes me so sad that we live so far away from each other. Life is just better when we can hang out. I wish she was here to make me brownies and watch a movie with me.

I miss my dear bestie. Maybe you've heard from her recently? because I sure haven't. Her name is Debbie and if you see her, tell her that her bestie is miserable without her and that she should probably finish moving into her new place so that we can be roommates again.

I miss living in nice places. This place I am forced to call home is a hole. I know I say that I can live anywhere, and I can, but, I guess it would be easier if I had a reason to smile about it. Like, a roommate and best friend to laugh with.

I miss food. I haven't eaten dinner yet. But I'm too scared/awkward to go into the kitchen when people are in there. Pathetic I know.

I miss Eagle Moutain. Mostly Eagle Mountain friends. I loved being able to, at any time, go and hang out with people. I feel so lonely here. I feel like if I want to go see someone here, I have to plan a time and make it a big deal. It can't just be a, "hey i'm lonely, can i come over?"

I know I'm being a downer right now. I'm just dreading school and having to do homework and be in provo and look for grad schools. I'm not ready for my crazy life to start again. I liked it just the way it was this summer. it was perfect.

Song-of-the-Week: Already Home by Ha-Ash (with Brandi Carlile). Sometimes you just have to stop looking. And realize that what you need is right in front of you.

Wicked

Here's a walk through of my day at Lagoon. I hope you enjoy every second of it. because i sure did:

8am: get up after like 2 hours of sleep. for reasons that will not be explained. feel really nauseous. eat half a piece of toast, throw the rest away.

9:15am: arrive at Derek and Greg's. late. Soon after: Derek, Greg, Maria, and Ali leave for a fun-filled day at Lagoon!

10ish: get breakfast at McDonald's. somehow eat most of it. nasty.

10:30am: get to Lagoon. race a mexican van to the entrance. lose. forced to ride Wicked for the first time. thought it would be super scary, but was actually super fun. rode Collosus. also fun. ready for more.

11:20ish: in line for round two of Wicked. neck and head start itching for no apparent reason. halfway through the line, start getting really dizzy. Can't walk straight. Things get fuzzy. have to sit down every few feet. Derek talks to me and his voice is muffled. i'm going deaf, great. get up, move a few feet, stumble to the ground. everything is spinning. pretty sure i'm going to pass out at any moment. or throw up. or both. decide going on Wicked is probably the worst idea right now. Somehow stumble out of the line while Greg tells the employee girl that i'm scared to fall out while on the ride (which is true). get about 6 feet away from the line with Maria in tow. collapse on the ground. positive throwing up is going to happen. locate the spot by some lockers that this will take place, since moving is not an option. Derek runs to get some water. realize the previous itchy feeling is hives and it's spreading fast. lay face on the ground. nausea subsides a bit. Maria tries talking to me, to get me to move to a better place (like where hundreds of people can't see me pathetically curled in a ball on the ground). can't talk. no energy. hold finger up. "one second". Derek returns with water. Lift head up and try to sip. proves difficult, but not impossible. nausea returns full-force. head back on ground. finally convinced to move to a better place. sit up. realize i'm covered in nasty groundness. somehow get to a table in the shade. collapse on the seat. drink drink drink. more hives. everywhere now it seems. lay head on the bench. want to go to the first aid place, but it's far away and i know i won't make it. Maria goes to get a first aid person. they return with a wheelchair.

12:30/1ish: get to the first aid place. get blood pressure taken, blood sugar taken (yeah, getting pricked with a needle didn't make me any more nauseous ha. "it feels like a paper cut". um, i HATE paper cuts). take benadryl = sleepiness. start shaking from possible cold-ness and nausea (i shake a lot when i'm nauseous, i don't know why). lay on the provided bed for about an hour or so. can finally think and talk like a normal person again. hives subside. Greg and Derek run to Target to get some anti-nausea stuff. take that too = more sleepiness.

2:30ish: feel a lot better, leave the first aid place. only now i can barely keep my eyes open i'm so incredibly tired. but i stick it out because, well, i can't possibly waste any more of my fun-filled day at lagoon. time is running out. Proceed to go on more rides, eat half a hot dog, fall asleep at the table, go on more rides.

go home, more fun is had.

end of the day: realize how lucky i am to have such amazing friends who would sacrifice their day at lagoon to take care of my sudden outbreak of unexplained misery. and for making it possible for me to somehow have an amazing and fun time despite all of it.

sing me to sleep

I just want to lay in my bed all day and listen to music.

I almost forgot how much I love music. We mostly listened to Indian music whilst camping. And the occasional songs from "The Last Unicorn" (which is now stuck in my head, by the way).

I've been gone so much this summer. I haven't really had time to process everything going on. I need some time for processing. Just me in a room with music.

thinking, singing, sleeping, eating.

I won't get that chance, but I've been dreaming about it all day.

Song-of-the-Week: Lullaby by The Spill Canvas.

Holla!

i just read a blog, in which was said "holla!" and I thought, ha, haven't heard that in a while. so, i have brought its presence to my blog. I hope you appreciate its amazingness as a word.

In other news, I'm back in Utah. Colorado was amazing. I'll try to post some pictures later. I had so much fun. I bought two new pairs of jeans, a cute new shirt, and a cute hat that I'm real excited to wear around. Plus, my new swimsuit came while I was gone so my mom had it in the car when she picked me up. It's pretty amazing I must say. And of course I got to spend a whole bunch of time with Larke, which was the best part! I miss her lots.

I've been in kind of a weird mood since I've been back. I don't know why. I'm trying to snap out of it.

Song-of-the-Week: Stay by Safety Suit. I just really like this song.

Off I Go

Today is the day I leave for the beautiful Colorado. I seriously can. not. wait!

I packed half of my things while on the phone with deb, and packed the rest late last night. I certainly hope I didn't forget anything. And that I packed enough shirts. I honestly don't remember what I threw into my suitcase.

I'm super tired today.

I think I've averaged at least one yawn every 5 minutes. But who can think about sleep at a time like this?! I get fly across the Rocky Mountains. When I land I'll sift my way through the huge airport, gather up my luggage, and wait for Larke and Jantz to pick me up and whisk me away to Johnny Carinos, where we will eat 'til we're stuffed. And thus will begin my week of fun.

On another fantastic note, my amazing mother ordered my dream swimsuit for me. I can't wait to have it. I may have to go swimming soon.

Song-O-the-Week: If I Were a Boy (Remix) by Beyonce feat. R Kelly. Brilliant. Does more need to be said? I think not.

I love swimming!

you don't believe me do you?

well, neither do i.

but I found this fabulous swimsuit and i want it so bad that i'm willing to change my entire outlook on the swimming front. just look how cute it is!



















what do you think? is it a keeper? should i purchase it?