I want a Stars Hollow

I've always wanted to live in a small town. Something about them just feels so homey. Whenever I watch Gilmore Girls I wish I lived in Stars Hollow.

I want a gazebo in the middle of town where all the events take place. Fourth of July breakfast, Easter Egg hunts, carnivals.








I especially want a place like Luke's, where everyone goes for some good food, the place to hang out.






Town meetings sound like quite the fun time in my book. A good place to make decisions and possibly get a good laugh.






And yes, I even want a town troubadour, not only because I love hearing the guitar, but well, who doesn't love a good troubadour?









When I "grow up" I fully intend to find a good ol' small town and settle in for some good times.

Fo Real

I realized this morning whilst making my glorious 45 minute drive to work (which I really do love) that I've been single for only 3 months. I don't know why, but it was quite the shocker haha. It seems like it's been SO much longer than that. In a good way. So much has happened, so many things have changed. I feel like a completely different person than I was 3 months ago. I've learned so much about myself, about what I want, about the person I hope to be, about what's important in my life, but also about others and the reasoning's behind their choices. Like, I understand so much more why things have happened in the way they did. Even now, it seems like everyday I get more and more okay with the different things in my life that are going on. It still isn't easy, but it's workable, and that's all I can hope for.

I think I've become stronger (emotionally and mentally, not physically ha). I think I've become more sure of myself, come into my own skin more, if you will. I'm more comfortable with myself. I've seen how some past decisions have made me maybe less happy than I want to be, and I know now what to look for in order to avoid making similar mistakes. Like relationships, since I brought up the subject haha. I've made some pretty bad choices when it comes to relationships (maybe "bad choices" isn't the right phrase. more like, I acted in ways that weren't true to myself). Not just with boyfriends, but with other boys that I've liked and gone on dates with, even if it never got more serious. My total outlook on the whole dating situation has changed. At least in my mind it has, in practice it has turned out to be a little more difficult. But I'm not as naive as I used to be. Nor am I as desperate. Of course I still want to be loved by someone, but I'm not willing to be the only one to sacrifice for it to happen. I'm not waiting around anymore - let him wait for me. No more one-sided relationships. It's got to be two-sided all the way. And I'm not doing the chasing anymore. I'm leaving the men's work to the men.

Song-of-the-Week: Closer to Love by Mat Kearney. I've loved this song from the first moment I heard it. I also love his new album, which I have yet to purchase, but definitely intend to. We all have our moments when the world comes crashing down around us. We find ourselves shocked and in disbelief. In our rooms crying for relief, for a miracle. And we all have in our minds the dream that through all of it, there will be someone there to offer a shoulder to cry on, to pick us back up, to pull us back to the surface, to bring us closer to hope, closer to love. Love, the raw emotion - the light in the dark - that always surfaces in the midst of tragedy.

The Memory Keeper's Daughter

I just read this book called The Memory Keeper's Daughter.










I was really skeptical about it at first, but my mom read it for book club, so I gave it a chance. It was a really intense book. Most of it is really depressing, and some of the characters were really frustrating. But, after I finished it I decided that I really did like it. It gave really good perspective on life. The book is centered on choices. One choice really. A split-second decision that changed the course of a family's life forever.

It's always so crazy to think about all of our decisions and how they shape our lives. Sometimes we choose to do things that have minor effect on our futures, but sometimes we choose to do things that will forever impact our futures, whether it's for good or bad. Usually we have time to think over our choices before we make big changes. Hopefully marriage is one of those things, and buying a house or car, deciding on a major, etc. But sometimes things are decided so fast that we barely have time to really think things over before changes are already in motion. In the book, the father makes a decision in the moment and doesn't realize the impact it's going to have in his life. It's a decision that he keeps secret from everyone in his life, even his wife. And it destroys his marriage. He never tells his family what he did. He thought he was keeping everyone safe by keeping this secret, but really he was destroying his own life and the lives of those around him. He was so stubborn, he was afraid of what would happen if he told what he did, he thought it would ruin everything, but instead, by keeping it to himself, everything was ruined anyway. It's so interesting to see how certain decisions pan out in the long run. It may be barely detectable, but every choice we make shapes every moment of our lives.

The book goes through the character's lives. It focuses a few chapters on a year or two of each of their lives and then it skips several years. I think it goes through 20 or 30 years. It really made me stop and think about how things change over the years and the possibilities that life holds. I'm only 21, I still have 3 or 4 more "20 year" spans to look forward to. That's a lot of time.

I think it's really easy for us to get caught up in our own lives and in silly superficial things that aren't really important to our overall life. We forget that we have years left to live. Especially being single and in college, nothing is really permanent, everything is changing and sometimes I feel completely lost. I get so focused on one thing that I forget that in 5 years, everything will probably be totally different.

E F G

A- Attached or single: Single. represent. ha.

B- Best Friend: number one is deb, but larke runs a close second, and then there's so many more.

C- Cake or Pie: Pie all the way. Pecan, Pumpkin, Cherry, Banana Cream, Chocolate. mmm...pie

D- Day of choice: I guess Saturday. Sleeping in is so nice.

E- Essential Item: does everything in my purse count? If i were to go cheesy, i would say, my smile. ha.

F- Favorite Color: Brown, preferably with blue

G- Gummi Bears or Gummi Worms: Hmm...both? gummi bears only if they're from Sams, and worms only if their the ones with sugar on them

H- Hometown: P-Town

I- Indulgence(s): um...sometimes i eat less dinner so i can have more dessert

J- January or July: July, duh, that's the easiest question

K- Kids: Well my mom wants me to have 10, but I'm an only child, so probably somewhere in the middle. All i can say is my husband is going to have to do a lot of convincing for me to even have the first one.

L- Life is Incomplete Without: Smiles, Laughing, Friends, Family

M- Marriage Date: Hopefully sometime within the next century would be nice.

N- Number of Siblings: oh dear, here goes. Genetically none, but otherwise: 3 boys 1 girl on dad's side and 5 boys 2 girls mom's side. so 11 total + me = 12

O- Oranges or Apples: Currently apples, but sometimes oranges are the best.

P- Phobias or Fears: 5 letters: S H A R K

Q- Quotes: I can never come up with a good one on command. I saw this on a James Christensen painting...."To love for the sake of being loved is human, but to love for the sake of loving is angelic". Also, "Awesome Blossom".

R- Reason To Smile: seeing your face

S- Season: Spring or Fall, Spring because of the rain, Fall because of the colors.

T- Tag Three: veto.

U- Unknown Fact About Me: hmm. I still haven't seen half of the last season of Gilmore Girls, which is just craziness. Although I have seen the finale, and it was crap.

V- Vegetarian or Meat Eater: um, meat is good.

W- Worst Habit: probably not following through, like with rules and goals i set for myself, which probably means i lack self-discipline. is that considered a habit?

X- X-Rays or Ultrasounds: Well, my only experiences with X-Rays involve pain, so I'm going to say Ultrasounds. But really, when do we have a choice?

Y- Your Favorite Food: mmm, food. Mashed potatoes, cookies, onion rings, bicuits and gravy

Z- Zodiac: Scorpio. that's right, watch your back.

Song-of-the-Week: She Must Think I'm Crazy by Thriving Ivory. I chose this mostly because it's the song I'm listening to right now. But I also really love it. The words have passed through my mind so many times. Like when I'm trying to convince myself that things worked out for the best, but still having doubts. The lyrics are just so good. I love the line: "I've decided I won't change, No, I won't change for you. I've decided to look out for myself, But you make it so hard to do." Sometimes it really is like losing your mind over nothing at all.

picture picture

ok so i totally forgot that i uploaded these pictures a few days ago. i am awesome. so.....on to the tour....

the living room

really nice fireplace. the entertainment unit is really cool. and there are windows everywhere

the kitchen

this might be my dream kitchen. granite tops, huge island, a big window above the sink, oh and the stove is gas and it's so big.

dining room

it's actually connected to the kitchen. look at all those windows. and the nice deck. ok i guess this is the only picture with close window shots. you see how there are small windows above the window? well, those are on all the windows. they're even above all the doors in the house. so you can clearly see when a light is on but the door is closed. i think it's really cool. i wish i had a picture to show.

the bonus room

ok, i have never heard a room called a "bonus room" before, but i quite like it. it's the room above the garage and it's kind of like another living room, but bigger and better. there's a bed to back left of the picture and a whole bunch of room behind with windows and cubby holes. look at that tv. nice. i spent a lot of time in here until the cable box  in here stopped working.

mine and larke's room

it's a beauty, this picture doesn't show it off very well. i sleep on the half of the bed that you can see. my bunny blanket is on the bed and that's my new purse on the chair. the ceiling is pretty high and there's a fan that stays on pretty much all the time. oh and sorry if there's anything questionable in the picture.

the stairway

the whole downstairs (except the office and the family room) is hardwood floors. very nice.

so, there you have it...or at least part of it. i'm so sad to be leaving. i love it here. a lot. the house, the city, the weather, but most of all the people.

hold your breath....because I said so

So, I'm sure you're wondering why in the world would I decide to leave my dear Larke and the beautiful Colorado. Well, sadly, Larke and I have decided that me leaving is the best thing for both of us right now. You see, we have both acquired some....unwanted "baggage" of, say, about 5+ pounds each, since I've gotten here. I don't think I need to emphasize the seriousness of this issue. How will we ever be able to find happiness in our lives if this continues? There is just too much at stake. So, the decision was made that I must leave so as to save our happiness, and, let's face it, our lives.

And if you believed any of that then you should be ashamed of yourself. We're not that shallow...most of the time. But for reals. I haven't been able to find a job and as nice as it's been not having to work (it's been fantastic, by the way), my chances of surviving college with no money are, well, slim to none. And I feel good about going back. I'm not sure why, since I don't really have much to look forward too in Utah for the rest of the summer, but I've got the faith, and that's all that matters right? So, I'm going back to my amazing BYU job (and you better believe i'm taking the stairs) and hopefully I'll be living at my dad's in the good ol' Eagle Mountain, sleeping in a bed all to myself, not my own bed, of course - that was disposed of long ago, but a bed all for myself nonetheless :)

Can I just say that I miss my family? I honestly didn't think I would get homesick, and I didn't really. Until this last week. I miss my mom (especially her hugs, as previously noted). And I miss my dad (and his hugs, they're amazing). It's sad knowing that I'm missing family parties and birthdays and stuff. Two months is not a long time, I know, but it was a good glimpse.

With all that said, I'm going to miss Larke so much! and her family. they are amazing (have I used that word too much in one post?). they have been nice to let me live in their house and eat their food and lounge about with no care in the world (me, not them). I'm sure they'll be glad to be rid of me. haha. They are hilarious. I laugh a lot. Jantz (larke's little brother) has been my entertainment when Larke's at work or school. He's hilarious. and a punk at the same time. so basically like the little brother i never had (....until of course i got 4 little brothers).

I love living out here - my dad and stepmom would LOVE it. seriously, they should move out here, there is no other place out there this perfect...well, ok, if it didn't snow here, then it would be perfect.

I'm gonna miss shopping for clothes (with money I don't have), going out to eat (with money I don't have), watching movies (those are free...usually), dvr-ing countless tv shows (of which I have now become addicted to - the tv shows, not the dvr...ok a little bit the dvr), watching csi for as long as my heart desires (also courtesy of dvr), eating larke's brownies (they are THE best), not holding back comments (which are always meant to be funny of course and result in me laughing - sometimes i say funny things ok? there's no one else i can do such things with), trying to fall asleep after larke has reached her "slap happy" state and won't stop laughing, thus making me laugh, which equals less sleep for her (not for me, I sleep until whenever I want...which is always 9 for some reason), and, well, just hanging out with larke doing whatever (like writing this blog while she writes a talk for church tomorrow-and the inspiration for the title of this post. yep i'm going to miss even these moments), and countless other things which i'll withhold, from this post at least.

I'm only a little sorry this blog was so long. But honestly, if you really count me as a friend then you'll have suffered through it. Although if you would use the word "suffer" then maybe we shouldn't be friends...

Song-of-the-Week make up: I don't think i did one last week - because i'm a slackface. so here it is: Ain't No Sunshine by Kris Allen. I know, I know, another one! But this one is only a tribute because he won! I was shocked. shocked! he's my fave, but Adam was better and I think he deserved it more to win. But alas, that was not the case. I'm super excited for his cd to come out. So, enjoy my dears!

oh and ps, i'm going to post pictures if not tomorrow then for sure on monday, so, mark your calendars. ha!

Wet

I wish you were all here right now. It is pouring rain. Like, pouring. and it is so beautiful. I should really be out there right now dancing around. I love rain out here. It's not like Utah rain; it actually stays for more than like 10 minutes. Sometimes it rains half the day. I love it. I'm going to miss it. and Colorado for that matter. Oh, I guess I should confirm that I am, in fact, coming back to Utah like planned in the middle of June, the 18th is the plan. I'm excited to be back home, and you better believe you're going to be seeing me! but boy am I going to miss this place. It's been so much fun.

My camera batteries are charging right now, but when they finish I'll try to put up some pictures of the past few weeks...unfortunately none from the amazing rain because of previously mentioned batteries.

photo-less

So it's kind of ridiculous that i've been here for almost a month and i still have no new pictures. i'm sure you're disappointed, because i certainly am. i wish i could tell you that my camera isn't working or i lost a vital piece of it, but i can't because that would be lying. i should have so many pictures to show off, but i have zero...unless you count pictures of just me, then i have a lot haha, but no one wants to look at those but me. So this post is a promise of more pictures to come.

Also, i love my mom. and frantic 30 second phone conversations. and talk of gilmore girls. especially when the three are combined.

Hot Fudge

Ok, so I forgot that I planned to write another blog this week....so here it is haha.

Some updates...I talked to my boss at BYU and he is a-okay with letting me stay here all summer and for sure on letting me still work in the fall, which is just fantastic. All I need to do is find a job, which will ultimately be the determining factor. I've applied for a couple already. I just really hate looking for jobs and I honestly really don't want to get a job, so the motivation factor is certainly getting in the way. But I know I have to, so I'm trying real hard to want it to happen. Along with the staying business, I think that I'm going to have to cut out pretty much all my traveling...well, mostly. I'm 100% for sure going to daisy's wedding and my family camp thing in August. I'm pretty sure i'll be going to San Diego with Larke, although it might cost too much, we'll see. Anyway, I'm really bummed I don't get to do the other stuff, like a lot. But oh well, I guess that's life. You have to have money if you want to do it all. But I'll see Stevo in two years and my family will still be there with more family reunions to come in the future.

Larke and I went to eat at Cheesecake Factory tonight. It was delish, as always. but this time instead of getting what I always get, I got orange chicken. and let me tell you, it was amazing, exactly what i was in the mood for, perfect. (and i made the decision really fast, which never happens) and then I got the brownie sundae cheesecake (because how on earth can you go to the cheesecake factory and not get cheesecake? i mean really). I've wanted to get this one for quite some time, because, well, i love love love hot fudge, but for some reason i just haven't. so i got it (i know, a night of risk taking, haha) and it was so so good.

So, good times. I do miss lots of people though, especially my mom's hugs.

Song-of-the-Week: Heartless by Kris Allen. I know I know, 2 Kris Allen songs in a row? but really, i love love (man i'm on a roll with the double words tonight haha) this song, especially when he sings it. he's my fave. i have bought so many of his songs off iTunes, it's kind of ridiculous, but i just can't help myself. Kanye's version is pretty fantastic, but, well, so is this one.

Decisions

Whoa, it has been a real long time since i've written anything. I've been thinking about maybe staying here for the whole summer. There are so many things in the air, but I really want to stay. However, that means I would have to get a job. And, there are so many things going on this summer that if i stayed, i would have to choose what to go to, since travelling isn't all that cheep. Here's the fun things going on:

May 31: Stevo, basically our 7th roommate at the Glenwood (and our fhe dad) has his farewell in California. I really want to go because my roommates will be there and I didn't say goodbye to him before I left, which is just not allowed. If I go, I would fly to Utah on the 28th, drive with two of my roommates on Friday to California, then leave on Monday to Utah, and fly back on Tuesday. If I don't go, I can always wait until his homecoming in two years. And of course I'm going to write him on the mish.

June 19-20: Family Reunion with Steve's family at cabins up in Heber. I love family get togethers and so of course I want to go to this, but my mom said that if necessary, I don't have to go. I wouldn't be that heartbroken if I didn't go, but it would be fun. If I went, I would probable fly in Friday morning and then fly back Sunday. It's also my dad and sister's birthday that week, so I would probably be able to see them, which would be nice.

July 8-13: Larke's friend is getting married in San Diego and she wants me to come with her so she can have a friend. It would be way fun to go. And on my way back I could just fly to Utah for Daisy's wedding.

July 14: Daisy's wedding. Of course I am for sure coming to this no matter what, definitely wouldn't miss it. If I stay here and go with Larke to California, I'll just fly from there to Utah and then on the 15th I'll fly back to Colorado. If I got a job, I would have to make sure I had this time off.

August 13-18: Family trip with my dad. I'm so excited for this one and of course I'm going no matter what. We're going to some place in Colorado to go camping. There are like cave ruins and stuff. If I stay here I will probably meet up with my family for the trip and then go with them back to Utah when we're done.

So...if I do stay. Then I'll only have a job from like June to the middle of August, with a week break in between. So that's like 2 and 1/2 or 3 months. It isn't very long, but I think it's long enough to have a job of some kind. If I come back to Provo, I won't really have to worry about all the travelling business and I can probably go to everything. Really, it mostly comes down to money. It's probably like 200 a trip, so with 3 trips that about 600. I definitely don't have enough for that.

Then there's of course the matter of my job at BYU. When I left, it was understood that I would be able to keep my job in the fall if I came back for summer term. So, I'm going to talk to my boss again and see what he says. If I can't keep my job there, then I'll have to decide if it's worth it to let it go and have to find another job for two semesters when I get back.

I just don't really know what to do. I really want to stay, and I'm leaning more towards that. I don't really have anything pulling me to come back to Provo other than my job. There's other things that come into play, but I figure if I decide I should stay, then the rest will work out.

I know that was a lot, but I needed to dump some of what's going on in my head.

Any thoughts?

Give me an Oreo....please?

I know this will sound cheesy, but even just being here for a few days, I've realized just how much I've missed Larke. We have so much fun together. And even though she has work and school and usually doesn't get home until like 8 or 9 at night, it's still been really good. She's such a good friend and honestly, she's helped me through so many hard times, even when we've been apart. And her family has been so nice and welcoming. Her mom is home during the day and so usually it's just her and me for most of the day. We go on walks in the mornings sometimes and she always makes sure I eat when I should. She's like my colorado mom (no offense mom, you'll always be the best). They have family dinner together. with real meals. It's fantastic. And their house is amazing. They built it a few years ago and the layout is so cool. I might have to take pictures. And the decor? yeah, even better. Every room is decorated with so many cute little things. It's just so homey, but also looks like it could come out of one of those magazines. But it's not like, you don't want to touch anything and you have to leave your shoes at the door and only eat in the kitchen. It's comfortable and classy at the same time. Basically, I love it.


The first couple days I'm pretty sure they were a little worried about me because I mostly just stayed upstairs and read in Larke's room or watched tv. Jantz (Larke's little brother) was always like, where have you been all day? Yeah, so I felt dumb haha. But I've gotten more used to everything, and it's been fun.


Oh, and there was a little den of foxes out in front of the house - a mom and i think 3 babies. They're pretty cute. They moved a couple days ago. Oh, and deer! They are everywhere. On the roadside, in the backyard, in the front yard, in the neighbors yard. I went on a walk today and when I was walking back there were 2 deer like 3 feet away from me on the driveway. Kind of freaky haha.

I'll try to take pictures soon and post them for all to see. I miss everyone a lot!

Song-of-the-Week: She Works Hard for the Money by Kris Allen. That's right, American Idol. I pretty much love Kris. I don't think he will win, but he might be my favorite. I guess this song is kind of ironic at the moment since I'm not working, but in normal life, she does work hard for the money. And I've recently become aware that I love shopping even more than ever, which is not so good with no money coming in haha.

Leaving

Well, I've made it to Colorado in one piece. Ok, so I got here on Saturday, but I just haven't been in the blogging mood until now.

The ride here wasn't too bad. Everyone, mainly mom, was really worried that I would fall asleep. But nothing of the sort happened. I thought I would want to be on the phone most of the time, but that also didn't happen. It actually scared me more when I was on the phone. Mostly because I wasn't at all familiar with where I was going and it was really windy at some points and it rained off and on and well, I was paranoid. Being in the car that long made everything that much more scary. It must have something to do with being confined in a small space all alone for hours. haha.

It was pretty nice though, just being by myself, blaring music and singing along. Well that wasn't the whole time, I also listened to some conference talks, mostly through the mountains when I was scared I was going to die from the wind and rain/snow action. But I like music a lot. I haven't driven my car since I got here and I miss the radio. Perhaps I'll venture out on my own tomorrow....

Ok, so clearly it wasn't that bad of a drive because, and don't tell anyone, especially my parents, but I took pictures while I was driving so I could document my fun adventure.




First of all, here is deb and i saying our last goodbyes. it was so very sad. I miss you bestie!!!






















Here is the one picture I got of me where I risked looking at the camera. Scary I know.









Here is my trusty companion that offered me great services, such as holding crackers, water, gatorade, soda, necessary maps, and of course my beautiful clothes. Don't worry, I was sure to strap it in for extra protection.





This was actually inside an awesome tunnel, but you can't really tell. So mostly this just showcases part of my packed car. Ok, so it wasn't really that packed. but you should have seen the carload I took to my dad's - my car was packed full. I only took like clothes, movies, makeup and such, and of course my guitar.



I miss you all. a lot. but I've been having a lot of fun out here and I just hope I can make this trip something to remember.

Dang I totally forgot a song of the week haha, i know you all are always waiting in anticipation to see which song i'm going to pick. well, at least i'm entertained by it...

Song-of-the-Week: She is Love by Parachute. I finally found out who sung this song. I loved it the first time I heard it but I could never figure out who it was by. Anyway, I think it's a real cute one.

I haven't even started packing yet

Here are some of the reasons I am SO excited to go to Colorado and live with Larke:

-going to movies
-going to out to eat
-getting all dressed up
-going shopping and buying some amazing new clothes
-eating Larke's brownies. so good
-living in a nice house
-lounging about watching movies and tv shows
-getting away from Provo. it's sad, but necessary
-first long road trip on my own, which = cruising in my car with blaring music and singing along to all the music I want
-spending money I don't have
-partying it up as much as possible
-meeting new people...which is a good thing right?
-listening to a lot more country music than usual
-having so much fun with Larke!

I would include a fab picture, but I'm at work and thus don't have the pictures I want.

Speaking of pictures, I will try to take as many as possible. But I've been having problems getting pictures off my camera so there might not be pictures posted for a bit, but I'm trying my best to remedy the situation.

Song-of-the-Week: I shall dedicate this one to Larke. Suspicions by Tim McGraw. Besides the fact that I do like this song, I always think of Larke when I hear it. I can just picture her singing along to it as we drive in her car. Good times.

finals make my brain special

um, how cool would it be if i had a bbq for my wedding reception? but everything would be smaller, like mini hamburgers and hot dogs? ooo, and delish baked lays. and for dessert we could have like mini old fashion cake donuts with sprinkles. it would be laid back and awesome and i wouldn't have to have a line....oh to dream haha

...not that i'm getting married soon or even close to it, at all, but i just saw this commercial and for some reason it reminded me of bbq and weddings?

the end

sleeping in

So...last day of classes. woot. I slept in today until 10:15. It was fantastic, even though it was so not allowed. and then i rushed to get to devotional to sit with andy and, well, let's just say that i did not have enough time to properly get ready. and the rain didn't help. so i've just been pretending all day that i look great with my hair up and yesterday's makeup still on. haha. i have natural beauty....right?

I'm so excited that it's almost over. things have been real good, for no real reason really, probably just because i'm awesome haha.

I'm leaving for the big CO in like 9 days. I know I'm only going to be gone for a couple months, but it still seems like a long time. I'm not going to see anyone I know, it's just going to be Larke and me and Larke's fam, which I do know, and her friend Stephanie, so i guess it won't be too weird. but still! no family parties, no friend parties. except of course for the ones that Larke and I will be having every night! I'm going to miss you all and I'll try to take lots of pictures and blog as much as possible, which I'm sure won't be a problem seeing as i won't have school and i may or may not have a job.

Oh and my mom got back from Hawaii today! I'm so glad she's back, I have missed her terribly.

This next week is going to be full of fun stuffs, which I am molto excited for....speaking of molto, I am so going to forget all of my Italian over the summer, I think i will need to do some major practicing. Anyway....

I wish I had some cool stories to tell....hmm...I made some delish brownies over the weekend. Oh, and I went to Easter dinner with Steve's family on Sunday, which equals Jared being there with his girlfriend. I know, what was I thinking, but it was actually pretty fun and we didn't even talk, so it was only a little awkward. I just wanted to see the fam before I left. don't worry though, i looked hot haha

well i must go turn in my last paper of the semester.

Al dog's song-of-the-week: Cry Me a River by Glen Hansard. I have a love of cover songs and i always forget that i like this song haha, which i am only ok with because it was popular a long time ago and thus is somewhat forgotten. but, um, i liked it then too...don't tell anyone.

Sesame Chicken = delish

Ok first of all, remember in Conference when Elder Snow talked about Robert Gardner Jr? Well, he is my great great great great great great grandpa. That's right, I am directly descended from him. Not to brag or anything, but the Gardners are pretty much amazing. That Robert was a keeper if you ask me. Oh, and his brother Archibald? Yeah, he was quite the ladies man, he had like 70 children with like 20 wives. Robert only had like 30 kids and like 10 wives. And I've actually read some of his personal journal that was talked about. He had quite the life of challenges. Anyway, just showing a little Gardner pride. And dang I hope I can live up to that legacy that has been passed down.

So, onto summer. I'm going to live with Larke for Spring term and I'm so excited! I think I'm going to leave the 25th, so like 2 1/2 weeks. I'm driving good ol' Sally, so hopefully she'll make it. And speaking of Sally, I renamed her a long time ago but I can't for the life of me remember what it was. So, if anyone remembers, tell me. I think it was an older name, like Bertha or Edna or something. I honestly can't remember and it's driving me crazy. Anyway....

I can't wait for this semester to be over! seriously. Although I think that partying needs to happen before I leave because I said so.

Sorry this post is kind of lame-o. I'll try to write another one before the week ends.

The Way

Ok, so a lot of posts ago, like a lot, I talked about a conference talk that I absolutely loved. Well, I keep meaning to post about it, and since we have conference this weekend, I better get this one out before then.

The talk is called The Way and it was given by Elder Lawrence E. Corbridge. Here's it in video form, in case reading it just doesn't suffice...


I listened to it again today as I walked on campus, and it is just such the best talk. I can't say anything about it without just saying exactly what he says. It really puts things into perspective you know? He just lays it all out there. You can choose Christ or you can choose Satan. It is your choice; you know the consequences. The gospel is easy, the world makes it hard. Don't ever give up, just keep on going. Just choose Christ and be happy - be filled with joy even. I don't know, I can't put it into the right words. But whenever I feel down, I listen to this talk, and it makes me feel better, like I can get through anything. That's the power of the gospel though, sometimes you can't explain it, but it just makes life better.

Song-of-the-Week: keeping with the gospel theme, I choose Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing. This is one of my favorite church songs. love it. I like pretty much all the versions of this song. I like this guys voice. This one also has some beautiful piano playing, which gets me every time.

Movies Shmoozies

I have been such a slacker recently with watching new movies. Here's a list of some that I really want to see:



I don't know if this was ever in the theaters, but Colin Firth and that guy from P.S. I Love You is in it, so, ok, those are really the only reasons I wanted to see it.








I heard this wasn't very good, but I don't know if I can trust the source. I still want to see it. It looks cool ok? Which reminds me, I also wanted to see that Jumper movie.









Ok, now I know what you're thinking...well ok I really don't. Because on the one hand, Twilight is on DVD and I still haven't seen it; but on the other hand, I still want to see it. Just to see it. Bring on the cheese. I don't care if it's bad, I can take it.








Why wouldn't I want to see this movie? It looks fantastic. the end.











Again, why wouldn't I want to see this? I want to see it!










So, there you go. I'm guessing redbox is going to be getting a lot of my service in the next bit since I don't really have anyone to go to the movies with. Don't worry, I love chillin' at home in my pjs watching a movie.

Song-o-the-Week: Someone Like You by SafetySuit. Um, I'm majorly putting off important homework, so I don't have much to say. Other than...I think song is about trying to be good enough for someone you want to be with and also wondering if they are good enough for you - if they will be strong enough to hold you up through everything you have to go through.

Into the Depths

Ok, so I was just in a work meeting with all these people. We only have the meeting every other Friday, but we always have pizza and drinks and such - because my work is awesome. Today someone brought cookies - which were delicious by the way. They had chocolate chips AND little M&Ms and they were chewy and just, mmm. Anyway, so here is a play by play of how things went down...

-finish eating pizza, being very careful to take small bites and not look like a complete pig.
(note 1: for some reason I hate eating when I know that people could be looking at me. I just think I look weird when I eat - especially when it's pizza - so I just get awkward and probably draw even more attention to myself. anyway, just a little fact about me haha).

-wipe my face with napkin.

-quickly jet out of the room to get my water bottle because I'm parched.

-sit back down, remember that I have half a cookie left. yay for me.

-break a piece of cookie off (note 2: because of said eating issues, I tend to break things into pieces so I can just shove the piece in my mouth instead of biting into it and having more problems and maybe even get food in my teeth...end note).

-take small piece and put it in my mouth

-while the piece is going into my mouth (slow motion starts about now), whoops I think a chocolate chip fell. Oh wait, I think I felt it hit my chest...below where my shirt starts. I certainly hope it didn't go down my shirt haha, that would be funny...not.

-frantically searching for chip around my seat and lap...while keeping a collected cool and jotting down a few more notes so no one thinks I'm up to something.

-no luck finding chocolate chip anywhere around me. Face frightful conclusion that it has traveled down my shirt into unknown territory.

-look around me to see if anyone saw what just happened....no one looks alarmed

-realize that the meeting is only half way over and I've already left once so I can't just leave again without being extremely impolite.

-accept the fact that I'm going to have to sit here while a small piece of chocolate melts inside my shirt.


So, there you have it. haha. I can only just imagine, if in fact anyone did see what happened, what that person must have been thinking. If I had seen such a thing I would have been laughing for sure.

Blinkity Blink

Ok so I finished this book a while ago, but I forgot to post about it.

I loved this book. It was so interesting. I think everyone should read it. It's definitely an eye opener.

Oh, and in case you don't know what it's about...it's about how we think, make split-second judgements, how we read people, how and why we make decisions.

Anyway, it's fascinating.

Song-of-the-Week: Unhappy by Thriving Ivory. First of all, I'm liking this band more and more. Secondly, I've become slightly obsessed with the site songmeanings.net because I love lyrics and thinking about the meaning of songs and such. Anyway, I think this is a really cool song.

Questions

I often think that people should be talking in questions. It just makes life so much more interesting....and hilarious.

Just a thought?

When?

Just a forewarning that this post isn't going to be very upbeat. I am just not having a good week. And I predict that the weekend is going be about the same.

The one good thing - ok there's two. The first is that my laptop is finally usable as of yesterday. I really missed it but it was actually pretty nice not having it because I used to be on it like all the time. So I'm going to try to only use it when necessary, because life is just better when you don't rely on technology as I so often do.

The second thing is that I have been staying the week at Deb's apartment, which has probably been the only thing keeping me from utter despair - ok maybe that's a little strong, I'm not that sad, but it sounds more dramatic, so I'm keeping it. I think the "not living with friends" thing is really starting to get to me. I miss my friends so so so very much. Don't get me wrong, I love my roommates to death, but they're just not the same as my besties.

Ok I'm adding number three to good things. I think this is the first week since I started working at BYU that I will have worked a full 20 hours. So, good for me.

I'm sure you don't want to know all the bad things...but I'll go over a few very briefly:

-I totally failed my Italian Oral Exam basically because of time.
-I probably failed my Italian quiz today even though I studied
-I might not get my job back if I go to Larke's for the summer, which just breaks my heart.
-To save you all from an extremely long explanation, I am extremely - and I mean extremely - confused concerning boys, which also is breaking my heart.
-Because I haven't had my laptop I have fallen very behind in research for all my papers.

Ok, I'm adding a fourth good thing just so I can think of something happy. Last night at Deb's we all slept in the living room and watched Alladin and Beaty and the Beast, two of my favorite Disney movies. It was great.

I just want to know when things are going to start getting better. Last week was so good, but it took a complete drop this week. And I really don't want next week to be the same.

Oh I almost forgot about the song of the week. I guess I'll choose Already Gone by Kelly Clarkson. It's off her new album which came out this week. I haven't listened to all of it, but this song sounds good.

Friday is My day....I mean Nikki's day

Do you ever feel like you've been waiting so long for something to happen and then once the time comes you're like, oh, well, i've been waiting too long for this for it to be as great as it should be? .....just a something to think about haha.

Here are some thoughts in my head this early morning:

-I'm so tired. Like, collapse on my bed tired. Which is weird because it's not like I've been sleep deprived. But boy howdy do I want to go home and sleep right now. Too bad I'm responsible sometimes.

-This is definitely going to be the Italian quiz that get's dropped because I so have not sufficiently studied for it. And in one hour when I'm taking it, I will be reaffirmed of this fact. Or maybe by some strike of luck I'll do good on it. Hey, it's happened before...several times.

-Oh and the biggest woe of all is that my right earphone isn't working on my iPod. I'm pretty much devistated. It's just silent. So i only get sound from the left side, which just isn't up to par. And I just got them for Christmas. But i might have to buy new ones unless somehow I can fix them, and i have no idea how to go about that.

-Going to officially have a place to live in the fall. I haven't actually seen it though, so Debbie better be telling the truth that I'll like it or else!.....or else nothing will change and I'll still live there because, well, I just love Debbie too much not to.

-I really hope that I don't get stuck in rush hour traffic tonight. That would just ruin everything.

-it's Nikki's birthday!!!! woot woot woot. I'm so excited to see her tonight. Although this also marks the day that I am officially the youngest. And I have to wait 6 more months before I can join the pack again.

Song-o-the-week: hmm, this is a tough one this week. a wild card, if you will. How about Just Dance by Lady Gaga. When I hear this song I must dance. Something takes over and, friends, I just lose control. the end.

Sick Face

Wow it has been way too long since I last posted. But I have good reason. My dear laptop died last Sunday night, the 15th even, around 10:30ish is when I first noticed it was...struggling for life. It was tragic, let me tell you. I was devastated. However, after some visits to different stores, specifically an amazing PC store in Provo, my laptop was diagnosed that it needed a new motherboard and was promptly shipped off to HP to be fixed...for FREE. Now, originally after this first happened we thought I was going to have to buy a whole new laptop because to fix a motherboard costs like $600. I pretty much broke down and started freaking out. I mean, I don't have the money to buy a new laptop right now without doing some major savings damage. My amazing mother said that she would buy me a new one. I was so grateful for that, believe me. But then we found out that HP has had a lot of problems with my type of computer so they are fixing it for free. I don't know if I can explain the pure joy and gratitude I felt when I found this out. I mean, talk about a blessing from Heavenly Father. I was so worried and yet it all worked out, as He proves to me every time I get worked up over something. Just another testament to paying tithing and having faith.

The not-as-fun part is that I probably won't get it back until next week. Which means taking notes by hand, which is really not my forte. I mean, have you seen my handwriting skills? Not what I call "the best". But I'll survive. Even though I feel so lost without my laptop. For real. It's like my baby. I don't know what to do without it. It has my whole life on it. Oh! and the other best part of it is that I didn't lose any of my information! I know, fantastic right? I was so so so happy to hear that. So now all my stuff is on an external hard drive. woot.

On another note, I woke up this morning feeling like butt. I got hardly any sleep last night even though I went to bed early. My throat is really swollen, making it painful to swallow. And it hurts when I breathe. Pretty much my chest just hurts in general. And my mind is pretty hazy. Oh and my neck and back hurts too; like real achy. What is up with that? I wish I could just stay in bed and watch movies all day, but alas I have a test this week that I must study for; good thing I love Baroque art so it's more like fun rather than studying. And other things are looking up too. So, other than the fact that my body has decided to hate me right now, I'm generally pretty happy.

And speaking of happy, the forum today was amazing. Like, I loved it. If you haven't seen it, you should.

Al-dog's Song-of-the-week: Feels Like Home by Chantal Kreviazuk. I've always loved this song. It's a sweet one...I think that's all I've got to say.

you want more?

so...I made another blog. Not to replace this one of course. I just wanted a blog that I could write about other stuff. Like spiritual stuff or random thoughts, music stuff, lyrics I like, etc. Becca has one and I really like the idea. Maybe I'll get sick of it, but it seemed like a fun thing to do today, so I did it.

the address for it is ohthejoysoflife.blogspot.com

You can read it if you want, but I won't be offended if you don't.

In other news, I don't really have anything exciting. But I'm super excited for a three day weekend. I have so much to do.

I've been watching the Bachelor and it is down to the final 3. I watched the Bachelorette with Larke over the summer and the guy who "lost" is now the bachelor, and I just had to watch it. But one thing I hate about shows like this where people get kicked off is that I get so attached! And I fret over who I think should win, even though I have no control. But it's still fun to watch.

This Saturday is Valentine's Day. Need I say more? I have very mixed feelings this year about it. I'm excited to have a fun dinner with my amazing roommates and hopefully hang out with friends. But I really really don't want to think about the fact that I don't have someone who wants to tell me how much they love me. Because I think I'm finally ok with the fact that I don't have that. So I guess my goal for the rest of this week is to not think about that and to focus on what I do have and the amazing people I have in my life that do love me.

And since this is technically the second post this week, there is no song of the week. You're heartbroken I know.

Ok ok, I've been convinced.

Song-of-the-Week-number-2: In honor of said day of "love", I have chosen The Luckiest by Ben Folds. I just love this song, as I'm sure most girls do. Even though I don't have this yet, I just think of the day when I do have someone who loves me this much. And if that thought doesn't make me happy I don't know what will.

The Adventure of Awesome

Hmm

This week has been interesting, both good and bad.

The good, but really great, part is that I went to Idaho with Debbie and Nikki and Dani and Stephanie and Haley and lots of other cool people. I really really was not wanting to go because I had a horrible day on Friday. But I decided that my decision-making skills were kind of impaired because of it so I just went. And it was just what I needed. It was so much fun to just relax and chill and have funsies with my besties. It took us like 6 hours each way of driving. But Haley drove and there was no snow and we listened to awesome (and by awesome I mean super awesome) music and sand our hearts out and slept and ate. It was fantastic. I slipped on the ice somehow and it was pretty funny. But my left lower back still hurts, as does my left arm. And the back of my right hand somehow got little scrapes, which I'm sure will be gone by tomorrow. Deb and I almost finished a puzzle, but alas it did not happen. But I'm ok with it, even though I hate not finishing puzzles. Deb and Nik and Haley and I had way too much fun with the snow and pictures were a plenty.

I'm trying to just be happy, even when I want to be sad. So far it's pretty hard but I just miss laughing a lot and being really happy all the time. So I decided to just suck it up and be happy. Because, well, I think I'm pretty great when I'm happy. And I'm so sick of being sad about things. I can't change the past, so I just have to look forward to the future. And I'm planning on having an amazing future. So, here's a punch in the face to the sad stuff and a big chocolate kiss to the real good stuff.

Both of them say yes.

Song-o-the-Week: No Air by Jordin Sparks featuring Chris Brown. But only because I think that was the song I heard most this weekend. And it's just so dramatic how can you not burst into tears when it comes on?

AweSomE bloSSom

So, I don't really have anything to post about. Today I find myself in a very good mood. It's kind of weird. I forgot this happy feeling. I quite enjoy it a lot. I just feel......good. And I don't know how long it will last, so I decided I should treasure all the great moments. Here are some things that are awesome right now:

-I have a delicious Cafe Rio salad awaiting me at my apartment and I can't wait to eat it!

-Yesterday I went to work, school, had a study session for Italian, studied for a test, took said test, on some struck of luck got taken to Arby's and didn't have to pay, did laundry, did all of my Italian homework, and was in bed before 12:30

-I was given an...I'll call it an opportunity/proposition...a few days ago that pretty much threw me for a huge loop and I was so very confused about what to do. But yesterday I made a decision and I feel real good about it, even though it might be not so fun to do.

-I know it say it all the time, but I really do have the best friends. I just love having friends that I can call and they just let me whine and complain and cry to no end (and also knowing that they can do the same), sometimes about things that should probably be so simple for me, but just aren't. Because that has been happening a lot lately and I feel so bad about it. But I appreciate it so much!

-My car is fixed and I still can't believe it! My dad is just the best. period. He spent so much money trying to get it fixed and I so do not deserve it. He never once said anything negative about it. I was the one trying to convince him that maybe it wasn't worth it. But he would hear none of it. And I just feel so lucky that he has been so willing to help me. Not just with my car but with tuition and study abroad too.

-My roommates are just too cute. They are youngins, but that is part of the reason I love them. They are always so happy and sometimes they focus on such silly things. It reminds of what those days were like. Not that I don't still have them every once in a while.

-I think I really like my classes this semester. They're all pretty different, and of course I don't always do so well with the homework, but I've really liked learning stuff.

-I actually understand my Italian teacher when he speaks. Last semester this so did not happen. I take this as a very good sign that I'm actually taking in the language.

-Speaking of amazing roommates, I think I'm going to move to Colorado with Larke over the summer and I'm so excited! It's not 100% for sure yet, but I'm going to plan on it I think.

-I am writing this blog at work. I think that leaves no explanation for how awesome my job is.

-I get to look at super cute/awkward pictures of my friendlies whenever I'm at work because I put up pictures of them.

-I just like music a lot and I have been having way too much fun with playlist.com. I listen to it at work and it's pretty much fantastic.

-I think I look pretty cute today. You should have seen me on Wednesday though, that was definitely a good day. So guess really this whole week has been a good looking week.

I guess I will give you a song of the week. let me think....ok

Song-o-the-Week: Do You Know (Ping Pong Song) by Enrique Iglesias. I wish I could explain more about why I chose this song but I have to go to Sitar performance like right this second. But someone made me listen to it today and basically I like it and even though, well, yes.

dear Food Network, oh how I've missed you

This past semester I haven't really had too much time to watch TV, specifically the Food Network. And I love the Food Network. Love. It.

And now I am currently watching a cake Food Network Challenge. And it is fantastic.

Some of my faves are the aforementioned show, Ace of Cakes, Throwdown with Bobby Flay, and Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives -this has currently risen to my number one I think.

I just love this channel. I guess it does make me hungry more, because of all the deliciousness that they show, but it is so worth it. I keep holding out hope that one of these days I will watch it and be inspired to start cooking more. Because I'm a slacker when it comes to cooking and I really want to cook more because it sounds so fun to me. I'm good at the baking part I think, but the cooking part is very sketchy. It has yet to happen, but I have the faith.

On a side note, my right knee has been having issues and I don't like it. I can't describe the pain, but it is pretty sharp and sometimes it hurts so bad when I walk down the stairs. It's like a piercing pain. But I think it's going away. So, in case you see me walking down the stairs like a crazy, now you know why.

I'm reading a book called Blink that my dad gave all the kids for Christmas. He has read it and pretty much raves about it quite often. So I was real excited that I got it. I'm a little more than halfway done with it and I must say it is fascinating. I will have to post about it when I finish. Then you can know all my feelings on it...maybe more than you want. haha.

Al-dog's Song of the Week: Unseen by Katie Armiger. I got this song free off iTunes a long time ago. I really like it. I think a lot of times girls feel this way after a breakup. Like, they didn't get themselves across the way they wanted. Or the guy missed out on who the girl really is because he didn't try hard enough. Which is why it's so important not to hold back when it really matters and, if you do, to learn and move on. Anyway, I got more into that than intended. But, it's a good one. quite catchy.

the big Zero Nine

So, I am usually one to make New Year's Resolutions, but they're never really serious ones. Just the usual lose weight, be happy, read my scriptures more. And this year I haven't even "made" any. I've thought about some stuff that I want to happen this year...so I guess that is what I'll write about.

I want to find happiness this year (not that I haven't been happy in the past, because I definitely have. But, more like, I'm fine with whatever happens in my life because I can be happy no matter what or who is in my life). And I think, or rather, I know, that the only real way to do that is through Heavenly Father. I read somewhere that if you ever want to really be able to love someone else, you have to be able to love God. To open up to him. To really get to know him. Make him your friend, your ally, your constant companion in everything - everything - you do. So I was trying to think of ways to really make that happen. I think it just comes down to improving things a little at a time.

As many of you have so nicely pointed out, I have somehow lost weight these past few months. And even though it wasn't intentional, I definitely approve of it and I like it a lot. So, I want to maintain this "healthiness" or whatever it is you want to call it. I like feeling good about myself. It's fantastic. I think something just clicked in my head. And walking to campus doesn't hurt either. I used to hate walking to campus. I dreaded it. But now I actually kind of like it. It is necessary to get to school and it's good exercise. And it's hard for me to actually make time for exercise, so this is like a built it system because I can't avoid it. So really, it's a win win situation.

I want to read more books and research more about things I've always wanted to learn about. Most of these things have to do with Art History. And for some reason I think I'll just learn everything in my classes. But this is just not the case. And I have all the resources handy to learn pretty much anything I want about a subject. So I want to take more advantage of that.

I want to stop worrying so much about other people and more about myself. Not that I want to be selfish, but with this whole decision-making problem. I know that the reason I don't like it is because it effects other people. What if they don't like my decision? What if they even reject what I want? I don't like feeling like other people don't like what I want...even though it is totally natural. I just don't like it. And so it's easier just to let other people decide. Because I'm usually pretty good at just going along with what other people want. But some changing needs to happen.

Like with boys. I always will do what they want. And it's not that I don't like it. Because usually just being with them is what I like, so I don't care what we do. And it's not like I'm sad that we're not doing what I want to do, because of the same reason. Or like, if I'm doing homework, but a boy calls and invites me to his apartment, I'm going to go, no matter if that means I have to stay up really late to finish my homework. There's no question. If he has time, then I have time. But I know that this isn't a good thing. My schedule matters just as much as the next person. And I need to stand up for my life and what I'm doing. If they are willing to wait for when I have time sometimes, then they are worth it.

This year started out amazing and then it seemed like it was suddenly all taken away, all in the first days of this dear new year. However, it also opened my eyes to the amazingness that is my life. I have a great job. I am studying a subject that I love, and am getting closer to graduation. I am surrounded by an incredible family who loves me to death. And my friends. Oh my goodness my friends. I will forever be indebted to them.

I think the thing that always loses me is that a year seems like such a long time. Committing to so many unknowns seems like craziness. So I just have to focus on one day at a time. For realsies.

New Year Song-o-the-Week: Let it Rock by Kevin Rudolf & Lil Wayne. Because, well, I think this year is going to rock.

Edumacation

Yes, it's true. School has returned, as I'm sure you've all realized. I was kind of dreading it, but honestly I didn't even think about it until late Sunday night when I realized I didn't even have a notebook to take to class on Monday. But I actually think that school will be pretty good this semester. I like my classes and I know people in all of them, which is very nice.

I love my major more and more every semester. So even though I'll probably go through all of this schooling just to end up with no money and no job, I least I can say I did what I loved. Maybe I'll feel different in a few years....

Thinking of school brought about memories of the good days when The Magic School Bus was my resource for knowledge. Not only did I love the show on TV, but I also had some of the books and would read them all the time.

Songs of the Week: You get two this time because I'm feeling extra musical this morning. The first is Miserable at Best by Mayday Parade. I think I got this free on iTunes a while ago. And I loved it the moment I heard it. And I love it even more so now, even if it is a bit sad. The second is Holding Out for a Hero by Frou Frou. It took me a couple times of listening to this song before I realized that I really liked it. And I do really like it. And I think it's pretty pertinent right now.

Way Overdue

Yes, it's true, I didn't go to the library to drop off my 3 checked out books before I left for my dad's because the weather was so bad. They are due today. And I can't get logged onto my account on the internet because I think my card is expired or something dumb. So basically I won't be able to return them until like January 3rd. Sand news I know...Ok, I meant sad, but I had to keep sand because it is funnier.

But onto other things...like the crazy amount of snow that fell upon us this day. That was madness. There was like two feet of snow on the street! Jared came to pick me up from my dad's and after we walked out of the house, he literally ran back to his car while I tried to slowly step in this long strided footsteps, but mostly I just laughed so hard from watching him run that I almost fell so many times.

Um, not having anything to do is really weird. No work. No school. Today I slept until like 11, but then I stayed in bed until like 2. ok, I got up a couple times, but still. It's so nice to sleep in, but also kind of boring.

I can't believe Christmas is on Thursday. So crazy. It doesn't seem like it's time yet. But I'm so excited for my family to be together! And Christmas is just so much fun I can't wait. I pretty much love any holiday when my family gets together and eats and plays games. Presents are good, but I'm terrible with them, and really what I care about is just being with the people I love.

um, NIKKI IS MARRIED!!! I still can't believe it, and I'm so happy for her and Monte! So cute.

So, my roommate painted my nails a very dark purple (not black like some may tell you) on Thursday and I have gotten quite a lot of grief about it from pretty much everyone. I didn't choose the color, but I do like it. Maybe not the darkness so much, but the fact that I can even paint my fingernails now that I'm not working with food. I do fell kind of emo though, which I could never pull off, so I probably look like a poser, but too bad. The bad part is that I don't have any remover, but I do have more of the nail polish, so...unless I go shopping tomorrow, I'm retouching them.

Song-o-the-Week: I Believe by R. Kelly...I got this song free on iTunes. What do you think about it? It was recent, so I assume it is apart of the Christmas musicness. I don't know if I necessarily like it, but it does send a good message. I'm mostly just confused. Isn't R. Kelly some hot manly sex symbol or something? I don't actually know, because I don't keep up on all those R&B/rap singers. But, you know, I'm all for those tough guy showing their soft side, so more power to him I guess.

BABOOM

*I realize that Deb and I have the same blog title, but mine is for realsies.

and p.s. I should be studying for my Italian final, but, well, I'm not.

So, Saturday night whilst I was driving home from a fun day and night at Jared's house I happened upon some black ice down the hill on University Parkway going towards my apartment. First I started fishtailing, so I tried to correct it, but I couldn't get control and I swung one way, then the other, and the next second I remember being flung around. It wasn't until this moment that I realized I was going to hit something. I think the only thing I said out loud was something like, Heavenly Father Help Me. Then the back/side of my car hit the median.

I look up and I'm facing traffic - even though there really wasn't any because it was like 1 in the morning. And it took me a while to realize that I actually wasn't in a lane, rather I was past the line, but it still scared me to death. I see a car coming down the hill and my adrenaline kicks in full gear. Of course I think that car is going to do the same thing I did and is going to slam into my car, thus probably killing me. So I jump into the passenger seat, and then realize that really won't help me. So I get out of the car as fast as possible (the other car is long gone by this point). I know this probably wasn't the best choice, but I seriously thought another car was going to hit me. And going through multiple possibilities of how another car could crush and kill me, I jump over the median so I am on the side where cars are driving up the hill. When I was still in my car I dialed 911 and had been on the phone with them I guess the whole time, even though I only remember dialing the number, I don't remember being on the phone during this whole time.

Anyway, after thinking maybe i should have just stayed in my car, I jump back over the median and start going to my car. But then I look up and these two guys had parked there car on the right side of the road and were coming to help me. They were driving up the hill and saw me crash so they turned around to help me. They ask if I'm ok and one of the guys offered to get me a blanket from his car, but I honestly wasn't cold. At this point the lady on the phone was asking me exactly where I was on the hill, because it borders Orem and Provo, and heaven forbid she should call the wrong police.

Ok, so up until this point I hadn't cried at all. And, my car was gushing some sort of fluid. Anyway, then the guys said that maybe the fluid coming out was gas, so we started stepping away from the car. But then one of the guys went and checked and said it was just blue fluid. These guys were so nice; even though I was on the phone pretty much the whole time they were there, I don't know what I would have done without them there. I kept thanking them but I don't think they realize how much I appreciated them stopping.

Then the police came and made me turn my car around and park on the right side of the road. Which means that I had to start my car and then drive it. But the policeman pulled his car so he was blocking traffic so I could do this. I must admit, despite the terrible situation and my state, it was pretty cool. So then the policeman - who was really nice - asked my license and such. Then I remembered that I still had my old license (my new one hadn't come yet) and so I freaked out even more and started mumbling stuff to him about how it was old, but I had renewed it and it was just in the mail. But he didn't understand anything I was saying. I must have sounded ridiculous. Anyway, I thought he was going to give me a ticket for having an expired license, but he didn't.

So, while I was waiting in my car I called my dad. And, the moment I heard his voice, I started bawling. Somehow I told him what happened, and you guys I don't know how I have been so lucky in the parent department, but he was seriously the best dad I could have asked for during those moments. He told me I needed to relax and that it was all going to be ok. I kept saying how sorry I was for crashing my car and he just said that it would all be ok and I needed to stop worrying about it. He was so comforting. And it was so sweet. Every time I talked to him he kept saying, do you want me to come get you, I'll leave right now and come get you and take you home, I want you to be somewhere where you can just relax, I'm already up, I'll just come get you, I'm going to come pick you up, you need to just be able to relax, I can leave right now. I talked to him so many times that night, and every time he just kept saying this. It was just, I don't know how to describe it, it was so comforting, it was exactly what I needed. I told him he didn't have to though because I didn't want him to have to drive all the way down here and then all the way back. Even though I really did want to go out to his house. It was easier for my mom to just get me.

Oh my mother. She was freaking out more than I was, which drove me even more crazy. But she's my mom and she just loves me. But it's really hard for me when I'm trying to stay calm and other people are freaking out, which is what was happening, and so I got really frustrated. But I tried to just stay calm because I know it was just because she was worried about me. I was so grateful that she came to get me. I knew that she would take good care of me, because she always does.

Anyway, so the tow truck came and took my baby away and my mom took me home and I spent the night at her house.

Also, during this whole thing I kept thinking that I should call Jared and tell him what had happened because I was just with him and if something had happened to him, I would want to know. But I was not stable, so I wasn't sure if I should. But I finally decided to just call him. So I called his home phone (since he doesn't have a cell phone), but I forgot that their network had been down so their phone and internet wasn't working. So I left some sort of crazed message. Then I called his mom's cell phone, but she didn't answer, so I left another crazed message. (I really want to know what I said and how I sounded, because I don't remember any of it). So Sunday morning Debbie (Jared's mom) called me to make sure I was ok. Then she woke Jared up and told him so he called me. It was cute because he had just woken up and was all groggy. But he made sure I was ok. I was still in shock from it so I was pretty awkward. But this is all a side note.

I don't know what the state of my car is, hopefully we'll find out today. And I'm pretty sure I'll cry when I find out, because every time I think about it I get all teared up. But my dad let me borrow his old man car for now. But after Christmas break I'll have to figure out what to do if I don't get my car back. But that is for another post and at a later date. I'll try to get pictures. Sorry for this incredible longness. But thanks for the concerns.

Longest Week of My Life

So, this week seems like it's been the longest week of my life. I don't know why, but it has been maddening. Ok, maybe I might know a little reason why, but it's so ridiculous that I'm not going to tell you.

Finals are finally here though. And I'm very excited and also scared for my life. I am greatly looking forward for them all to be over, and so I'm ok with taking them. But I'm real scared because, well, that means a lot of studying, and we all know how I am with that - especially finals. I don't think I ever really studied for finals until last semester. I don't know how I have survived thus far, but I wish it would come back to me now. Mostly I'm just worried about my Contemporary Art test because it requires a lot of analyzing and thinking about things that I just don't fully grasp. But I think it will be ok. I am planning on studying for most of the day tomorrow and then the craziness begins with two finals on Monday, one on Tuesday, and then the last one isn't until Friday.

Um, my little step sister Julie had her baby yesterday morning at 7am! I still haven't seen her because she was having breathing problems because of fluid in her lungs. But she was doing a lot better today and hopefully she'll come home tomorrow. Her name is Kira and she looks real cute. I'll try to get some pictures so I can show you.

My job is pretty awesome. My boss, Mike, is hilarious and totally laid back. It's really fun. I work with all girls and we are quite the exciting bunch. I'll have to tell more stories about that later.

Speaking of jobs, Lisa from Shirley's called me today and asked if I would work tomorrow and all next week. I said yeah right, sucka!...ok, I didn't really say that. I was nice and told her I could only work Tuesday and Wednesday for a few hours. It will be real weird, but whatever.

Have I mentioned lately that I have the best friends in the world? Seriously, words cannot express the feelings of amazingness I feel towards all of you. The times that I have the most fun are pretty much always with you girls. I could get all mushy, but I'll save that for another time. Basically, I love you all terribly. And I miss you.

I must leave now to Becca's super cool Christmas Party, for which I made my 40/50 cookies. That's right, I am also super cool.

Song-O-the-Week: Don't You Dare by Namaskar. So, I came upon this song whilst listening to acoustic music on iLike music playlist on facebook. Random, I know. But I really like this song and I think you should listen to it.